Michikake Waxing and Waning Moon
by Angels Falls8
Summary: When Mamoru breaks Usagi's heart and her world falls apart can she recover? Will things ever be the same? A romantic story of lost love, of forgotten hope and finding one's self again! I don't own Sailor Moon, just wish I did!
1. Chapter 1

It was over, over before it had begun really. I found my true love and lost him within a one month time span. It didn't matter that I was only 16 years old. It didn't matter that he was my first love, a preordained love. What mattered was the destruction left in the wake of our breakup. This is the story of love and loss. This is a story of change and rebirth. But to understand the end, I have to tell you the beginning……………….

_**Michikake**_** – Waxing and waning Moon**

Finally a little bit of peace in our lives, we all survived Queen Beryl. My Senshi lost their memories of their other lives, and although I was lonely I was happy that they were all alive. Even my Mamo-chan didn't recognize me as his princess and true love. Right on top of that we had to deal with Allen & Ann the demented twins from outer space. As usual the sailor senshi were victorious. Everyone had their memories restored and firmly in place. Happily ever after was just around the corner. Or at least it was suppose to be.

It was a day like any other. I was late to school, failed my math test and had detention. But lucky me no Senshi meeting so I was free to find Mamo-chan, and what luck! There he was leaving the Crown Arcade walking down the street towards the park. I ran up to him and grabbed his arm in a hug, practically squealing my delight at having him so close. I'll never forget the way his cerulean eyes looked down at me so coldly as if I was a complete stranger. Next the firm hand that pushed me from him followed by the frozen voice telling me not to be so familiar. I, of course apologized, silly me not realizing he was having a bad day. When I whirled around to leave, that's when he did it: he cut out my heart and handed it to me.

"Usagi, I don't think we should see each other anymore. We are too different due to the age difference. I'm sorry if I led you on." My face must have held astonishment and Kami knows what else. My heart began to race, my eyes wanted to tear and my whole world came crashing down. "Mamo-chan, I swear I can do better in school I'll practice more with the girls. I can change, I can improve!" Yes at this point I was beginning to grovel but love, true love has no pride. "Usagi, you just don't get it. Why would I want to date a whinny 16 year old cry baby, who also happens to be either too dumb or lazy to excel in school! You're clumsy, you lack grace and when you fight it's often sheer luck rather than hard work that let's you win. Even your hair style makes you look childish! I can't keep; no I won't keep doing this anymore. The red string of fate that tied us together is no more."

If he had pulled back his arm and sucker punched me it would have hurt less. Was there anything about me that he liked? The worst thing about the wicked truth was he was right. How do you refute the truth, how can you defend against that? I did what any girl my age would do. I bowed deeply, apologized for wasting his time and ran. If I had looked back I might have caught the hurt look on his face, then again with all the tears I may have missed it. I couldn't go to the park, too many people knew me there, and I couldn't tell the scouts right now the pain was too new. It left me with no where to go and no one to turn to.

His words repeated over and over like a mantra that wouldn't cease. It was my fault he left me. I was everything he described and more. I wondered if I tried to change, truly change, whether he would take me back. We were destined, he and I, but now that all felt like the cruel hand of fate. I, Usagi, always had hope, always kept the faith in the past. But now I was beyond that. My world narrowed down to the pain. They say you never forget your first love and I can see why now. Because you never forget the man who gave you the first cut - it's always the deepest. Over time you learn to protect your heart so that you never feel that pain again. Yes love cuts just like a knife.

I spotted a phone booth and sat in it to cry. Legs curled up as I sank the ground. I loved Mamoru; I thought my playfulness evened out his seriousness. I thought we were Yin and Yang. I thought wrong. It was getting dark before I could bring myself to move and go home. 16 years old and already life was beating me down. Even the Dark Kingdom had not been so cruel. When I arrived home my mom grounded me for staying out so late and sent me to bed without dinner.

Luna wanted to know what was wrong, but I couldn't tell her just yet and asked her to just give me space. I fell into my bed and went to sleep; not because I was tired but because I wanted to escape my reality. At three in the morning reality came knocking or should I say beeping. My communicator went off. Yes it was another attack in Juuban Park. Yes I would get there quickly. I arrived, skipped my usual sailor speech and just started fighting. It would have made a great impression if I hadn't been flung to the floor. Just when the latest freak was about to spear me in came Tuxedo Kamen. I used the moon scepter to vanquish the monster. I ran up to Tuxedo Kamen and asked him why he saved me. What a blow to my ego to hear that he was protecting the moon princess as was his responsibility. I had gone from love of his life to an honorable debt. Just what every 16 year old girl wants to be compared to a duty, nothing more than a duty!

Today for the second time I ran. If I ran far enough and long enough maybe the problems wouldn't find me. I knew the Sailor Senshi must be worried about me, but for once I couldn't comfort anyone. Such niceties were beyond me for the moment. I crawled into bed around 5:00 a.m. not that it mattered. Of course I over slept again, was late again, failed another test and was given detention. Which made me late for the Senshi meeting, and guess who was verbally scolded by not one but four friends? Well if you picked Usagi you were right.

Let's see I was lazy, selfish, and stupid and a multitude of other sins were laid at my feet. I was a lousy leader, a mediocre Senshi and oh I was a flake. Did I cover everything? I think I did. For once in my life I didn't argue I didn't fight. I just turned around and walked away. Down the shrine steps and into, yep you guessed it. "Gomen ne sai Mamoru-san" and I kept on going. Why prolong the agony if you didn't have to. When I arrived at home I went upstairs to study. I'd had enough! If my friends, family and even the love of my life hated what I was then I would change. Change to please them, no matter how many parts of me it killed inside.

For once I finished all of my homework, took a shower and went to bed early. Kami blessed me with no crazy attacks and a full 8 hours sleep. I woke before Luna, got dressed. I started to put my hair in its customary style but realized it, like the rest of what made me Usagi would have to go. Instead I plaited it into one long braid that went way past my feet. I calmly took the excess hair place another rubber band at what would be the new end and chopped the rest off with scissors. I'd worry about getting it even later. If I had listened, really listened I would have heard that first break. But like all beings focused on moving forward I forgot to look back. Down the steps and out the door before my mother could stop me. I was early so there was no reason to run. Damn fate even had it in store for me this morning. Right there across the very street I had to cross to get to school was Mamoru in a jogging outfit. Keeping my head held down I slowly walked past him without making eye contact or greeting him. Not even hearing him call Usako in a shocked tone made me stop.

When I walked into class Ms. Haruna almost fainted. She really did faint when I asked for help with the math homework. All the Senshi's except Rei were surprised to see me at school so early. I actually paid attention today and took a lot of notes. When lunch rolled around my three friends wanted to know what's was going on. I shrugged and told them I had just decided to improve myself and ask that they leave it at that. Makoto wanted to know if I had plans with Mamoru this weekend. Looking at Ami, Minako and Makoto in the eyes I told them that he broke up with me and that no, no part of me understood it. Because I was on time and handed in all my homework Ms. H took away the rest of my detention for the week. I went to Rei's temple for a Senshi meeting. After she got over the shock of seeing me on time for once we began to talk about the new evil that was in town.

After the discussion on our newest enemy, I casually mentioned to Rei that Mamoru and I had broken up. I know she meant well, but telling me that it was to be expected was not what I needed to hear. So I excused myself and left. Homework called after all. So home, dinner which consisted of only one serving, studying, sleep and enemy attack - what a night time routine - went to the shopping mall, got into trouble again, was saved by you know who and finally dusted the creature. Before my masked savior could jump off into the sun set I went up to him and thanked him. And then told him I never wanted to see him again. "Don't show up to our fights, don't save me. Don't take me in your arms only to shove me away. It hurts and confuses me. If I am defeated don't worry. It's not your fight anyway. You just got involved because 1000 years ago you fell in love. Goodbye Tuxedo Kamen" yes it was selfish. But how effectively can you fight when you can't see because of all the tears in your eyes.

After much deliberation and soul searching I decided if he wasn't going to save me then I would have to learn how to save myself. I convinced my mother that the discipline and physical training of Karate would do me good. I also promised to get my grades up and keep them up. It was a long process not being me anymore……

Three months later:

"Congratulations Usagi, from yellow belt to blue belt in less than three months" said the elated voice of Sensei Higurashi. "You are a natural! Here is the new class schedule". The truth was I had studied hard and practiced harder to gain my two belt levels. Yellow to green was easy, green to blue was harder. My grades in High School had dramatically improved. I was in the top ten percentile now. I stopped thinking of all that and bowed to Sensei before jogging off to get dressed and go home. When I came out Rei and Mamoru was setting up for their class. Great! Just great, three months I had managed to avoid seeing them in class and here it was all out in the open. "Hey Odango, what are you doing here? Are you lost?" asked Rei. Even Mamoru had a look of confusion on his face. Before I could answer a familiar voice broke the silence.

"Ne Usagi, don't forget next week the schedule changes!"

"Arigato, Sensei! I will see you next week. With that I jogged off not bothering to answer Rei's question. It was none of Mamoru-san's business. I had stopped being his business three months ago. I went to the park and sat on the bench contemplating my life. Last week Ms. H was talking to me and she said that while she appreciated the turn around she was curious. Why didn't I daydream in class anymore? What happened to that loveable klutzy girl from before? I told her it was simple I didn't have anything left to dream about anymore. Then I left who wants to see pity in your teacher's face?

Well enough reminiscing, I had to meet the girls at the Crown for a quick meeting. Of course he wasn't there, so I slid into a booth that offered no view of the counter or the door and waited for Rei, Minako, Ami and Makoto to show up. While I waited I pulled out my translated copy of "The Art of War", not exactly light reading but I needed to brush up on strategies and war methods. I knew the moment he entered, I always do and always will. Rei slid into the booth with me and raised her eyebrow at the book. Next Ami came from study school and finally Mina and Makoto. I guess I was too obvious in trying to ignore Mamoru because the girls lit into me.

"Usagi you have to move on, it's been three months Odango! Since you no longer get detention you have time to devout to finding a boyfriend" snarled Rei. Always the fiery one she was.

"Usagi, the best way to get over one guy is to get another. At least you don't have any more klutz attacks" Makoto practically shouted to the arcade.

"Usagi it's wonderful that you have improved your grades but you need to let go of the past" was Ami's quiet comment.

Usagi, if its true love, then it will find a way" last but not least the senshi of love and a helpless romantic. I say helpless instead of hopeless because she didn't know when to just leave well enough alone.

I looked around the table at my fellow Senshi. "So the general consensus is I should move on? I should forget my heart ache? Let me tell you something: I hope with all of my heart that you each find your true love. And I fervently hope that he never tells you your dumb or graceless, a bad cook or a mediocre fighter. My hope is that he thinks the sun and the moon set and shine in you. I have moved on. I improved myself; I am a brand new Usagi. When I wanted to lie down and die I kept on going. When I wanted to give up I kept pushing myself. But it's nice to know what your real friends think of you. Now if you'll excuse me I've got to go home. I have a lot of homework and two papers due this week." The looks on their face ranged from incredulous to pity. I swept out the arcade not looking at anyone else - afraid they would see the frightened young girl behind the mask.

Well another night, another fight. Damn enemy couldn't they be civilized and schedule such events during the daytime hours or at least prior to midnight? Well less complaining and more running. I was almost by the coordinates that Mercury had sent when a Black Moon soldier jumped out and began attacking. Damn this one was unlike the others, increased speed, stamina and a much more sophisticated targeting system. The Dark Kingdom was one upping itself. I was on my own; the girls were fighting and I couldn't call them. I told Luna to hide and began my battle. I won't tell the story blow by blow, but suffice to say I was seriously hurt by the time I moon dusted him. Wasting no time I ran to where the girls were. Mercury and Venus were down, Mars and Jupiter did not look too good, and so with no speech or warning I used my moon scepter and blasted him to dust.

Mars rounded on me "I knew the improved Moon was only temporary, what happened couldn't get out of bed? Face stuck in a manga? We almost got killed tonight. Some leader you are!" The other girls tried to soothe her but she was beyond angry.

"You're right; I'm not a great leader. I quit - pick a new leader. I've tried everything to make you all happy. You said I was stupid so I studied hard. You said I was clumsy so I slowed down and learned some grace. Everyone said I sucked as a fighter so I took karate. But it's never enough is it? I won't stop being a Senshi because you need my powers to fight but choose a new leader, I'm done!" I ran as if the very hounds of hell chased me, I could hear Luna asking the Senshi if they realized what they had done. Why me? First Mamoru tears my world apart, and then when I managed to make a life without him, Rei rips my world apart again. This time I wasn't sure I could mend it, or if I even wanted to. I was so tired and in pain. That was the only reason I made noise coming in the house. This woke up my dad, who barged into my room before I could transform back to my pajamas. Needless to say he was not pleased that his daughter was Sailor Moon and had been lying to him all these years.

I sat in the living room listening intently to his scolding. I didn't talk back until he got to the part of me not being Sailor Moon ever again. That's when I stood up and argued. Hello! I saved the world how many times and he tells me I have to give it up. I respectfully told him I would not do that. He coldly informed me I had till tomorrow to make up my mind or leave his house. I marched upstairs in a state. I hated what my alter ego had done to my life but was I ready to give her up? And what was the value of my life compared to the fate of the world or universe? Damn. I was going to have to defy my father. Questions about where was I going to live and what would I do for money rushed through my head. First things first: I packed my uniforms and clothes. I took some pictures and all the money I had saved up. I strode to the mirror and looked at my reflection.

No matter what I do to my hair it always goes back to my original style when I transform. I stared at the mirror, at the cold familiar stranger standing there. From the cobalt eyes that did not shine, lips that hardly smiled - yes that was me now. Before I could stop myself I drew back my fist and smashed the mirror a couple of times. I hated my reflection. After all a mirror doesn't tells falsehoods. Before my mom and dad could come into my room to see what happened I grabbed my two bags jumped out the window and left.

My life officially sucked……

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hi all! I have a Beta! Fans I'd like to introduce MML my beta! She is helping clean up some grammatical errors! We will be editing all the old chapters….but don't worry the latest chapter is being typed up as you read this line.

Thank you all for your support and patience during this process!


	2. Chapter 2

_**On my own**_

16 is suppose to be a magical age, isn't? I mean this is the time of falling in love, discovering life and all that jazz. Well let's review, I fell in love and fell from grace. I lost my soul mate for reasons unknown. My friends had finally crossed that internal line we all have from enough to overkill. My father had just given me the mother of all ultimatums. so here I was in the middle of the night sitting on a park by Juban mall wondering how my life got so fucked up and if there was anything like a cosmic do over.

I didn't want to go to any of the girls for obvious reasons. Mamoru was out and so was Motiko I didn't want to admit to them how far my life has gone down the toilet. Taking stock of my money and life I was in dire straights. First things first find a place to crash tonight. I went to the homeless shelter and told the man my father had kicked me out. I didn't sleep that night, just took a shower and changed to regular clothes. My Luna pen made me look different to the world so I was safe for tonight.

Next item up for business was finding a lawyer so I could become an emancipated minor. I would need this in order to find a place to live, somewhere to work and it would allow me to stay in school without my parents being involved. I was stuck, mired in my life the way a stick gets caught in the mud. I loved everyone too much to disappear, and let's face it without the moon scepter or tiara the bad guys would not be defeated. My moon powers were not something that I could just abdicate and be done with. Hence the feeling of being stuck, trapped, and ensnared by circumstances beyond my control.

When dawn arrived it found me at the arcade getting a quick hot chocolate and toasted bagel for breakfast, luckily no Motiko in the morning or else I would have to explain why I was up so early. It also found me perusing the classified. First to find a lawyer, then a job and last a room to rent after all I had to move out of the shelter. They had rules and prying eyes, things that I needed to avoid at all cost. I finished my breakfast and took the paper outside avoiding my usual haunts. I did not want for anyone to find me. Speaking of which I was going to start learning how to shield myself from Mamoru, every single time I transformed he was aware of it. I didn't need to see him, nor was it right to keep infringing on his life. Okay I found a lawyer who looked reasonably cheap. As a newly responsible adult I had to be very careful with my money.

One decision down, I walked the thirty blocks to the lawyer. Perfect this is what I wanted. Small unobtrusive and just starting out, this lawyer might be desperate enough to take the case. I took a deep breath, held it for a moment and released it. I then knocked on the door and waited for the voice that bid me to come in. "_Ohayougozaimasu, _I am looking for S. Kenichi" now I don't know why I expected the nice lady behind the desk to tell me to wait and they'd be right with me. But I was not prepared for her to hold out her hand and say "_Ohayougozaimasu _my name is Sumi Kenichi, how can I assist you?" Okay pick up jaw from the floor step 1. Now for step 2, have an intelligent conversation.

"My name is Usagi Tsukino and I need a lawyer to handle my emancipation. I need to be legally declared an adult. My father has kicked me out of the house for reasons that I will not discuss at this moment. However this leaves me in a position of trying to find lodging, a job and the daunting task of completing my education. I am hoping that you can help me so that I don't end up on the street" after my speech I gave her a small bow. Politeness never hurt anyone.

"Ms. Tsukino, are you positive that this is the correct path to take. Perhaps a mediator to discuss the problems that have arisen in your household, please understand the ramifications of what you are asking for. Once done this process cannot be undone. You at the tender age of what 16, 17 will find yourself solely responsible and dependant upon yourself. There will be no safety net. Would you like to take additional time to think through all aspects of this case or are you willing to press forward?" she asked gently but firmly.

"Will all due respect Kenichi-San, there are some gulfs that are so wide that not even the love of family can bridge them. I understand the decision and trust me it is not one made lightly. I will not go back to my father's house and my only legal protection from him and the world at large is to be declared a legal adult. I understand if you have reservations and will continue to seek legal council elsewhere" with that I bowed and made the decision to leave. No matter what my heart may have wished my situation was not something that was going to change. Mamoru had left me, the sailor scouts didn't really believe I could change, and my father would never let me continue to be Sailor Moon. The only person on my side was my cat Luna who I couldn't even afford to take with me right now.

To this day I don't know what made Kenichi-San decide to take the case, but I could thank the Kami's that after so much hurt that something was finally going right. Once we signed a legal agreement I wanted to know if everything I told her was in confidence. Sumi-San swore to secrecy. I told her that I was Sailor Moon and that was the reason my father had thrown me out the house. A little skeptical at the onset but one henshin later and we had a believer. I explained for obvious reasons that my alter identity had to remain secret. That I had been gifted with this power to help save lives (Although I will say I was tempted to say cursed) who was I to turn my back on my powers. I had already lost so much, this newest development was just another in a sea of losses.

She quickly drafted out a summons to notify my parents and my school that I was going to court to have myself declared an adult. She called a friend of hers in family court and had them slip our case into an empty spot due to an injunction. All I had to do was avoid my family for three more days, avoid the Sailor Senshi and one Tuxedo Kamen. Yeah easier said than done, I knew this to be true. All of them had the tenacity of a bulldog. I asked her to call the school and speak to Ms. H so that I could stay current with my assignments.

To be fair though and tell you the whole story, I also have to let him tell his……

_**

* * *

**_

His side:

Life was as perfect as it could get. I was 21 years old in medical school and had found the love of my life. I, Mamoru Chiba after a lifetime of being a loner had finally found someone who loved me for nothing more than being me. To top off that incredible experience she was Usako my arch nemesis, we always fought over the smallest and dumbest things. Want to add another twist to the story? Her alter ego is Sailor Moon. Did I forget to mention I'm Tuxedo Kamen? We were meant to be on so many levels. So imagine my surprise when the nightmares began.

It always started out great, we were getting married. And the minute I went to kiss my beautiful blushing bride the earth opened and swallowed her whole. At first it just gave me a sense of unease. Then nights turned into weeks and weeks became a month. Unease became panic and finally it was the scissor that cut us apart. I loved Usako too much to let her die. She was beautiful, not because she was a blond hair blue eyed temptress, but because she had a loving heart. She was so full of life; indeed everyone who she was friends with was that much better for just knowing her. Usako would give you the blouse off of her back if you needed. True she wasn't the best student and because she tends to focus so completely on a task she does it to the exclusion of everything else.

When I was with Usako my life made sense. It was like everything I had done before meeting her was in preparation of being with her. My heart, my soul indeed my life belonged to my Tenshi. So now maybe you have an idea of how hard it was to break up with her. Harder yet to insult her to the point of tears, Kami how I longed to pull her into my arms and comfort her but I was breaking her heart not mending it. You ask yourself how is it that a smart 21 year old like me didn't think of talking this out with the women he loves. Simple I know my Usako and she would die before leaving me, or tell me that even if she was destined to die that at least she got to live and be in love.

Bullshit I say, I'd rather love her from a far then see her die young. I foolishly thought that I would find the evil behind this slay them at get back to happily ever after. In the meantime I thought to myself that she would bounce back like she normally does. I even thought that her friends would help her through her lost. Kami-Sama I thought wrong. They say that love is blind. And so it is for surely in my arrogance I have blinded myself to the consequences of my actions. I have irrevocably damaged something deep inside Usako and now I find myself wondering if it can ever be fixed. It wasn't an instant transformation, no it was slow insidious change from the woman I fell in love with to what she is today.

First it was the hairstyle. I mourned when she cut off her hair and changed her hairdo. Then it was studying, I recognized the signs of throwing yourself completely into school so that you don't have to deal with the harsh reality of your life. She no longer spaced out daydreaming of whatever is was that used to put this small smile on her lips. She was never tardy, didn't pig out and had lost her zest for living. My heart really crumbled when she asked me to stop saving her. I wanted to scream to the heavens that everything I've done so far was to save her. I honored her request and never showed myself in battle after that. Oh don't get me wrong I observed and I made sure my roses disappeared instantly after hitting the targets, so that she could find some measure of peace.

The last fight with the Dark Moon soldier almost killed her. Indeed we all went to see the sight after Luna insisted. Insisted at the top of her lungs, she who was so close to Usako knew what the last few months have done to her charge. She more than anyone watched the sparkle die day by day, knowing that each day our future of Crystal Tokyo faded more and more. The tree she had hit was split in half and there was a significant amount of her blood on the scene. None of us had noticed that she favored her left side as she walked away from Mar's verbal attack. Nor could he know that due to her injuries she would get caught resulting in her outing of her alter ego and her father's ultimatum.

I just know that the phone call I got in the morning from a frantic Ami did not make my day. All she could tell me was that Ikuko called this morning to see if Usagi had went over to any of the girl's house in the middle of the night. Mrs. Tsukino told Ami about the fight, Kenji's reaction, and the silent pall that fell over the house and finally Usagi's disappearance and the shattered mirror. Ami started the phone chain, but it turned out none of them had any clue as to Usako's where about. They agreed to meet at the shrine after school. I told Ami I would be there.

As you would guess I was persona non gratis when I arrived at the shrine. Everyone was busy yelling and blaming the other to really state what the real problem was. Somewhere along the line, we had helped kill Usako and then mold her into this new and improved Usagi. Except there had never been anything wrong with the old one, she was the glue that held us all together. She fought for love and justice and we fought for her. But somewhere along the line she just started to fight for justice and we fought because we had to. What had we wrought in our arrogance and stupidity? We were not Pygmalion and his experiment. I had no words for what we were. I could tell you I wasn't much of a soul mate, and right now the scouts weren't much of a friend to Usagi.

Luna once again was the voice of reason. She asked for a status report. Neither Ikuko nor Kenji heard from Usagi all day but they did receive a summons to go to family court. Ms. H had been pulled from class to take an important phone call and had returned visibly shaken. The girls had looked at all her normal haunts. None of her other friends including Motiko had heard from her.

Artemis then advised us to talk about all the changes Usagi underwent recently and why. I took a deep breathe and started to admit to my part in this affair. I told them everything, the dreams which I believed to be portents. The nasty blow by blow account of the breakup, and then admitted to the fact that I practically stalked Usako so that I could just see her and be near her. I admitted that my handling things my way had not worked out so well and that right now my main concern was whether or not I could repair the damage already done. If my world had to exist without my Odango I wasn't sure I'd want to be live.

The girls took turns talking then, divulging all the small put downs they stated over the years. They all didn't do it to be cruel, undeniably they all believed that Usako had much more potential then she ever lived up to. To the other Senshi who pursued their goals with passion and vigor Sailor Moon's childishness had quickly come to grate on their nerves. But they also knew that it was one of many qualities that made Usagi well Usagi.

The damage had been done, question was could we repair it in time before we permanently lost the brightest light in our lives? Rei decided we should split up and search our specified quadrants, and Ami drew us out a map of our search grid. The only one out of communication would be me, although Ami & Luna promised that they would make me a communicator since Usako was doing a pretty damn good job of shielding herself from me. I smashed my hand on the ground welcoming the pain; I purposely neglected telling the Senshi that before the shielding I could feel every sob, all her despair, and every bit of pain. I even felt her begin to numb and close off parts of herself.

I knew even before we left that we would not find her. Several months of combat training, and other lessons had taught our Moon Princess to be very, very self reliant. I again wondered why has something as innocuous as a nightmare began this all. I asked Luna if she would like to stay with me until we heard news of Usagi. I was mildly surprised that she agreed. Just as we started going our separate ways a flash and whirling winds appeared in the middle of the shrine grounds.

Wondering what the hell else could go wrong (You'd think I'd know better than to ask such an open ended question like that of Kami or Fate) I waited for the light to reveal its secret. Long blackish green, a sailor fuku with black skirt and a staff with a glowing gem on top were my first impressions of this latest Senshi. I knew for a fact that we had never seen her prior to this yet the feeling of déjà vu persisted.

"My name is Sailor Pluto; my real name is Setsuna Meioh. Tuxedo Kamen I have come to the past bearing grave news. Recent decisions made by yourself and the Senshi have damaged the time line. If this continues Crystal Tokyo and all of our futures will be changed beyond repair. Already the future is unraveling; we are not sure how long it will last. You must find Usagi and help her find her way, if she despairs and gives up hope all will be lost. She is the _Maboroshi no Ginzuishou _and the _Maboroshi no Ginzuishou _is her. If she loses hope the Ginzuishou will never shine, and if it never shines the Dark Moon will win." When she finished her speech she hung her head down in sorry or respect I couldn't tell at the moment.

Interesting information about Usako, I mean theoretically as the Moon Princess of the Silver Millennium I knew she was closely tied to the moon and the Ginzuishou. But to find out that if she gives up on happiness and love the Ginzuishou dies? Ah, my _omoimono _was truly like the moon. Waxing and waning, showing the world only what she wanted them to see. Like the moon she had her secrets and she held them well. I realized then for most people their universe revolved around the sun, to us it revolved around the moon. In our arrogance we assumed that as the moon was a constant presence so would Usako. We forgot that as beautiful as the moon is, there is a destructive side.

It can eclipse the sun, it can cause tidal waves. It even influences moods and feelings. Yes for all that was known of the moon, there was much not understood. Enough ruminating, how were we going to fix the problem? Usako's heart was huge but was it huge enough to forgive us? "Pluto, how much time do we have left? How do you suggest we fix this? The hurt we dealt to Usagi while unintentional is not something easily remedied. I left her to safe her life, but can she forgive the breech of trust? The Senshi's may have ridden her a little hard but they did it with love in their heart. They simply wanted Usagi to be better."

"Mamoru-San, Usagi is unique. Take away all that makes her Usagi and what do you have? Nothing, you have absolutely nothing. Usagi would have eventually begun her evolutionary process and changed for the better. In her time, and in her own way, but by forcing her to do it sooner it caused the time line to start fluctuating. I beg you fix this before all is loss." Before we could ask additional questions she left pretty much the same way she came in.

We needed to find Usagi and begin to repair the damage. I asked Mars to do a fire reading and see if she could divine the source of my dreams. I then asked Mercury to see if she could use her computer to track anything with Usagi's name attached to it. Jupiter and Venus were given the task of putting up posters with her picture and her parent's number on it with a request for information. And I, well I would try and meditate and see if I could somehow make contact or at least sense how she was doing. If she could build walls then I would try to tumble them. Not only was the future of our love, her friendships on the line but the fate of the entire world was on the line. We could not, we dare not lose this battle to find and restore Usagi.

I vowed to use whatever means necessary to get back my soul mate and spend the rest of my life groveling for her forgiveness. No task, no punishment that she could think of would be sufficient to make amends for what I had done. I could only feverishly pray to Kami that I had not ruined everything beyond repair. The say fate can be either cruel or kind. Maybe it's a good thing none of us had the power to see the future. If we had we might have despaired, or maybe rejoiced………

* * *

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And just remember although they are fated, the course of true love never runs smooth. I personally think it's time for Mamoru and the Senshi to prove why they should be a part of her life!

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	3. Chapter 3

**Free at last?**

**She said:**

I can't believe how nervous I was the day of my court appearance. This would be the first time in three days that I would see my parents. Had three days made my father more reasonable or hade it just stoked the fires of his determination? And what was my mother's role in all this? Unwilling accomplice or partner in crime, what side of this fight did she come down on?

I sat in the family courtroom thinking to myself that in a place that they decide the fate of a person it should look more impressive, more I don't know something. Instead it was as non-descriptive as any other government building. Kenichi-San kept telling me not to worry. Easy for her to say, it wasn't her fate or the fate of the world about to be decided.

When my parents arrived I was shocked. My father did not even glance at me. Well I guess that answered my question. Surprisingly my mother sat in back of me to offer support. I felt terrible. They have been married twenty years and have never had a major fight that split them like this. Once again my life was negatively impacting someone else's. The judge spoke to both parties and questioned us. I have to saw it broke something inside of me when my father declared that he would not fight my emancipation petition, which if I was such in a hurry to leave his house and rules I was more than welcome to. But I should be warned; by taking this final link I was severing all ties with my family.

I heard my mother's cry. It was the sound of the wounded, a sound that only a mother can make since it under her heart where we first nest. It is her voice that we hear from inside our little comfortable world of water. Never had I been so furious with my father, the urge to tackle the man and beat some sense into him was great but would just end up in my arrest. I had little to no illusions left regarding my father due to his very recent behavior. I swore a vow right then and there that I would stay in contact with my mother and to hell with him and his rules. After all, the bastard had to work sometime!

When the judge spoke to her she adamantly declared that she did not agree with throwing me out of the house. But that the reality was she had a duty and responsibility to her husband and Shingo. So it was with a very heavy heart that she had to let me go, but that I should remember if I ever needed her not to let anything of anyone get in the way of our relationship. If I lived to be 100 years old, she would still be my mother. And a mother's love never dies!

I wish I could say that as I sat there with tears streaming down my face that I thought of taking back all the things I had said and done. I wish I could say that I seriously thought of not being Sailor Moon for about a minute, but the truth was for the first time since I found out that fate had selected me for a different path and purpose I was comfortable with my role. I was Sailor Moon the leader of the Sailor Senshi, protector of the innocent and future Queen of Crystal Tokyo. Whether I would have volunteered for this was a different story but for once I was not running away from my destiny. No matter who it hurt, upset or just plain disturbed.

After that the judge asked me if I was deadly certain of my choice. When I would not be swayed from my current course he then signed the decree declaring me an emancipated minor now legally, morally and financially responsible for myself. Court was dismissed. I whirled around and grabbed my mother in a tight and desperate hug. I don't care if your 16 or 60 years old sometimes you just need your mother. My father stomped over and pulled her from me none to gently if I could judge by her gasp of pain. "I love you momma, take care of Shingo!" and with that she was gone. God I just wanted to storm after them and beat the fucking crap out of him. Who says I have no self control?

I stood on the court steps with my lawyer not saying a word. I had won, so why did my victory feel so hollow? I thanked Kenichi-san for the apartment tip and left. What more could I say? I hired her to do a job and she had done it. Speaking of jobs it was time that I found myself gainfully employed. But for now I had to get away. There was such a pain welling up inside me, I feared what would happen if I didn't let it out. So I ran.

I ran down the court steps out into the busy sidewalk and ran still. I had a feeling of being followed. Sure enough I glanced back and saw Mina, Am and Makoto running after me. I pushed my body as it had never been pushed. I ran as if the very devil was chasing me. So I couldn't exactly tell you who was more surprised them or me when I put on an extra burst of speed and left them behind. I was leaving the Juuban district and heading out for the forest. The fact that this was well over a half hour drive away did not dawn on me.

Suddenly I wanted to hit something, to hit something or someone so hard that they hurt like I did. I was so angry, I had never been this angry in my life. Sweet Kami, how did people deal with this? I threw my head back and screamed there wasn't anyone around for miles. Spotting an old rotted tree I began to pound on it. I mean whaling on this tree like it was personally responsible for all of my hurt and misery. I didn't stop when the tree began to crack. I didn't stop when I saw blood staining my hands. I didn't stop when I heard five people calling my name. My world had narrowed down to cause and effect.

I was in pain so I hit the dead tree; it was as if the physical pain was easier to deal with than the emotional pain. I did stop when a hand grasped my shoulder. Without a thought I took the hand and twisted just enough to get the person to loosen their grip. I moved back from the tree and looked around. My fellow Senshi and Tuxedo Kamen had found me. Wonderful, just abso-fucking-lutely wonderful!

"Usagi, are you crazy?" "What possessed you to run like you did all the way out here." "Why in the seven levels of Hell are you hitting that tree?" "Usako why did you hurt yourself like this, how are you going to fight if a youma attacks? "Wow, Usagi I'm impressed I didn't think you had it in you" and on and on the comments and questions went till I screamed "enough!"

"I am not a child to be scolded and chastised for my behavior. What I do to my body is my business. You want to know why I am beating on this rotted tree stump. You really want to know? I am beating this tree because I can and because I must. I hit this tree to deal with the pain in my heart. Maybe if it had been just one thing, I could have dealt with it. Maybe if I had just one friend beside Luna who believed in me I could have held fast, but I can't. Mamoru you broke my heart, if you had taken a knife and stabbed me it would have hurt less. Whatever you were going through you didn't trust me and our love to weather it. I gave you everything and you threw it back in my face. I fell in love and fell from grace. And I hate myself; absolutely hate myself for loving you still.

My Senshi, my friends, did you ever understand me? Did you know how hard it was to fight at first by myself? I am not fierce and determined like Rei. I didn't have Ami's quick analytical mind. I didn't possess Mina grace or Jupiter fighting skill and yet I was chosen to wield the weapons of the Moon. Yes I was clumsy and childish but it's the way I dealt with the fact that any day, any moment we could all die. None of you wanted me as Usagi the crazy happy teen, so I changed.

I changed my hair, my style of clothes, my study habits, my work ethics, everything and anything to become what you all wanted. And still it wasn't enough. It will never be enough. And you want to know what the truly fucked up part is? The insult on top of the injury, or should I say the straw that broke the camel's back. My father found out I was Sailor Moon and he gave me an ultimatum, either stop being Sailor Moon or get out of his house. So I chose to continue to be the one thing that has brought so much misery but at the same time saved hundreds of lives.

I went to court today to have myself declared an emancipated minor. I've lost everything, my family, my friends, my love and even my cat because of Sailor Moon. So I smashed the log pretending it was her or me. I'm on my own and I hate that I have to be here. So if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to Juuban, so many things, so little time."

I looked around and saw tears in the eyes of all. But I hardened my heart to them. Eventually I MIGHT forgive them, but it did not mean today. Today I hated each and every one of them. I moved as if to leave and that seemed to be the catalyst for them to jump into action.

"Usako, why didn't you go to one of the Senshi when you were kicked out? Have you really thought of the repercussions of your actions? As an adult you will need to find a place to live, a job and still finish your education while juggling the responsibilities of being Sailor Moon."

The Senshi's opened their mouths, but at the scowl I gave them closed their lips shut.

"Even now in my period of despair you still have to talk. Did I like the position I found myself in? No, but battling a Dark Moon Soldier all by yourself will injure a girl which caused me to make noise sneaking in. Do I like defying my father and leaving home? No! This is killing my mom. And maybe if I felt comfortable with any of you I might have called to ask for a place to stay. But let's face it why would I want to stay where I am not wanted?"

I shook my head; I was just too damn tired to deal with their shit right now. "I don't want to hear, I don't want to know. Please don't say you're sorry. I've heard it all before, and I can take care of myself." So closing my eyes and focusing my energy I used the moon teleport to go back to Juuban. Too bad I wasn't a fly, the conversation I left behind should have been good…………………..

**

* * *

His Side:**

Things just went from bad to worse in a blink of the eye. Whatever Usako felt was so overwhelming that she couldn't shield all of it. Grief, anger and despair brought me to my knees in the middle of my afternoon class. I wondered idly if the Senshi could feel any ripples of this. I must have looked like death warmed over, my professor sent me to the nurse who promptly sent me home. Instead of going home my feet carried me towards the financial and court district of Juuban.

I was puzzled, except for handling my investments I rarely came down here. Yes I was blessed my parents had left me a sizable inheritance, and I had also a brief successful stint as a model from Junior High until the end of college. This was a good thing, when I considered all the money needed to be spent to earn my medical degree and doctorate.

The grief continued to rise and fall, great Kami how was Usako standing in the face of the sheer magnitude of all these feeling? I continued walking, trusting in fate like I've never before to guide my steps.

I arrived at the family court, but didn't go inside. What could possibly be going on inside that one involved Usako and her family and two made her filled with such anguish? I decided to wait until I could get a glimpse of my Tenshi and see how she fared. I expected someone who was kind of down, or maybe even agitated. I didn't expect someone who live was in shambles and looked like they were barely there.

Dark circles painted a picture of restless nights, cerulean blue eyes that lacked any luster. Head and shoulders rounded as if the weight of the universe was on them. Nothing in this shell said Usako, Sailor Moon or Moon Princess. And the heart that I kept pretending I didn't have shattered into a million pieces. I saw her parents with Shingo leave. I even noticed her cordially thanking her lawyer. Observing her behavior and mannerisms one could tell she was brittle and would shatter at the least little contact.

She flew down the stairs and tore the hell out of Juuban. She reached speeds that almost rendered her invisible to the naked eye. Graceful and deadly she ran through the crowd never even touching any one. I was awed, I never knew she could reach much less maintain such speeds over the time she did. I even strained to keep up with her. Damn better start training more and comforting myself with chocolate less. I hauled ass just not to lose sight of her blond braid. I knew peripherally that three of the Senshi's had joined me in the pursuit of Usagi.

So I guess my question about them being able to feel some of her distress in no longer valid. When we arrived at the clearing I had to hold in my gasp, there was my Usako beating the hell out of an old rotted tree. Inside I smiled. Even angry and depressed she chose something not alive to thump on. When she looked up my knees almost buckled from the amount of pain her eyes bared. Add to that bleeding hands and the snarl on her lips and well I was scared. A small subtle amount of darkness seemed to be growing inside her heart.

Questions driven of fear exploded out of us all, often overlapping in our haste to find out what had caused this. "Usagi, are you crazy?" "What possessed you to run like you did all the way out here." "Why in the seven levels of Hell are you hitting that tree?" "Usako why did you hurt yourself like this, how are you going to fight if a youma attacks? "Wow, Usagi I'm impressed I didn't think you had it in you" and on and on the comments and questions went till she threw back her head and screamed "enough!"

And she proceeded to let us have it. Ripped us a new asshole as the expression goes. I mean who new that my sweet Odango new how to curse? On one hand I was thrilled with the confession that she still had feelings for me, but was disturbed to find out she hated herself for them. It also saddened the Senshi to find out that they had not been as supportive and loyal as they could have been. Poor Usako, as hard as we had been on her, she was a much harsher judge then we were.

To find out that her last refuge, her last bastion of support had been ripped out by her own father, well we were speechless. I mean that one topped the cake. How in the hell do you respond to that. It was out of concern that I opened my mouth and inserted foot. I could not for the live of me help it! Visions of Usako wandering the streets of Juuban dance through my head. So many things could happen to a woman in the street, Sailor Moon withstanding.

When she shook her head, it was the gesture of a person who has had enough, who knows nothing will change. "I don't want to hear, I don't want to know. Please don't say you're sorry. I've heard it all before, and I can take care of myself." And with that she disappeared. We glanced uneasily around at each other. Where do we go from here?

First things first, Rei had to be told of this new development. And then operation get Usagi back was going to have to launch in full swing. There were so many reasons why this had to work and so many possibilities of it not working out. But I had something that Usako seemed to have lost. I had faith and hope and as long as there was breath in my body I would hold onto them tightly.

Thus began the campaign to reclaim Usagi and save the world. It's a good thing we were patient………..

* * *

**She said:**

The boarding room was every bit as bad as I thought it might be. The job turned out to be relatively easier. I ended up working for a fashion designer Setsuna Meioh. It was weird the way she was super flexible with my hours and days. The pay was beyond decent and I received some of her designs as a gift. Once she found out where I was staying she had a small loft above her warehouse cleared out so I could stay there for the same pay as the boarding room. The warehouse was located in a more upscale part of Juuban with a lower crime rate.

Finally a great place to live, food that I paid for and eventually learned how to stop burning. Clothing and friendship just rounded out the deal. Still excelling in school was just the cherry on top of the ice-cream! I kept in touch with momma, although dad did try an end run by changing the phone number. But one day Shingo was waiting outside of my school. He didn't say a word, just handed me a slip of paper, kissed me on the cheek and left.

So every other day I talk to them while dad's at work. As for the Senshi and Mamoru, well it's been four months since the initial breakup that led to the nuclear meltdown as I fondly call it now. On top of that another four months from the forest incident as that's called. So after a total of 8 months my anger is cooling. I have high hopes that we can begin to make amends. If I had any points to prove to myself, it was that I was grown and could move on.

I can smile and wave at them at this point. We all share in each other's lives by using poor Motiko as the communications depot. Poor them, they really are stumped by this new Usagi. Now the 6 million dollar question was did I want to take that final step and start talking. Hmm, deal or no deal?

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READ & REVIEW

ALSO TO ALL WHO READ THIS HAPPY NEW YEAR!

AS ALWAYS THANKS FOR THOSE WHO REVIEW!


	4. Chapter 4

**When all else fails**

**She said:**

Imagine my surprise when I went to school and sat in my usual chair, only to find a special edition copy of **Kokusaijin **the magazine. It featured a water color painting of the Senshi and Tuxedo Mask. Under them the title of "Mending Sailor Friendships and Love" written in bold red letters. A part of me was appalled; another part I will admit wanted to laugh my ass off! I could not believe desperation had driven them to this! I vowed to start reading the article during lunch, so I placed it in my satchel to wait till later.

Ms. H came in and started droning on about quadratic equations. And while yes I was keeping up with the lecture I by no means like it! I caught myself about to daydream and quickly reigned myself in. unless I received high marks this year I could not get into college. Believe me you college was needed! I had to find a career that was flexible, and allowed me to work from home.

That's when I had my epiphany. We the Sailor Senshi were going to have to work on strength training. It would not be possible for all of us to respond to a call. For Mamoru and Ami who were studying to become doctors such interruptions could cause them their career. Minako if she made idol as was her dream would have a lot of free time and her flaky behavior would be described as quirky. Rei might have a harder time getting away from the shrine if she took over it but Yuuichirou would help her out, if she didn't drive him away. Makoto would own her own restaurant so who would question her strange hours if she had a competent manager?

Damn looks like I took that side trip into dreams Ville any way. I snapped back to attention and started taking notes. After all no rest for the weary, right? Lunch thank Kami arrived fast. Sticking to my normal routine I sat with Naru and Umino for lunch, after I ate I excused myself and finding a relatively quiet spot began to read the article:

**

* * *

Dear Reader,**

**This edition is a special edition. Inside our Dear Kokusaijin column we have the Sailor Senshi and Tuxedo Kamen! That's right fan, you read it right. The Senshi and Kamen have come to us to help repair their relationship with Sailor Moon. So the question is can this relationship be saved? **

**Read on & Enjoy!**

_Dear Kokusaijin,_

_Four months ago I made a terrible mistake; I deeply hurt my best friend Sailor Moon. I didn't mean to tell her she was a super klutz and had missed out on the day Kami handed out grace. I have a fiery temper but I never thought she took my harsh words to heart. Sailor Moon is more than just our leader. Indeed she is my savior. While Moon may not be the most graceful she has the largest heart. Indeed I believe it's this that allows her to banish the enemy; after all there are many types of strength._

_Before I meet her I was a loner, always ostracized for my unique upbringing and powers. Moon was the first one to overlook all that and see my loneliness. She is the sister of my heart if not my blood. Tell me please, how I can get her to see that the shortcomings of this relationship lay with me and not her. _

_I've never admitted this before but I was so jealous. She gets to be the hero almost all of the times we battle evil. She also got the best guy in the universe! It's not so much that I want him; it's more like I want what they have. That deep soul bond, the kind of love that is the stuff of legends and fairy tales, yes that is what I envy. I want to have my best friend back; I need my best friend back!_

_Please help me! I've really messed up and need the advice!_

_Burnt Bridges_

**

* * *

Dear Burnt Bridges,**

**Yes I realize you are sorry, but if you want to repair this friendship you have to also work on yourself. Losing your temper and yelling at people is not a positive way to channel your anger. I will tell you what my mother use to tell me. I'm sorry is not an erasure. It cannot erase your mistake. Something said in anger is always hard to take back, if not impossible. **

**Start by apologizing to Sailor Moon, and then explain to her why you said the things you did four months ago. Let her know how her friendship enriches your life. Work on a signal, so that when you are heading towards Crazy Ville with the temper she can remind you that you're about to swan dive off the deep end! **

**And work on your temper, meditate, jog, do something to release that energy positively! It will enhance your life and your relationships!**

**Kokusaijin**

* * *

(I swear to Kami I wanted to giggle. Rei saying she has a fiery temper is like saying a volcano is kind of hot! I was kind of glad to see she felt bad about our fight. Truth be told I should have stood up to her a long time ago. Maybe if I had established a line that she shouldn't cross she would have respected it and stopped before that point. Add that to the fact that Mamo-chan had been her boyfriend first and well there was bound to be hidden resentment somewhere. I felt confident we could mend our friendship, but the way we communicated was going to have to change. I was not taking shit from anyone ever again. I was a princess who eventually would be queen. That meant command and authority; such things are not often instantaneous but must be earned. I would ensure that my scouts knew the chain of command in the future. No longer would I be chastised like a child.)_

* * *

Dear Kokusaijin,_

_Four months ago I had a horrible lapse in judgment, and I said something really mean to one of my best friends. I accused her of not trying her best and letting her friends down. I never even gave her the chance to defend herself. I let my frustrations with other things slide into our friendship. _

_Normally I am tranquil and calm, but on this day I raged like the sea at storm. I'm deathly afraid that I have drowned this relationship._

_You see Sailor Moon is the first person to see me beyond the brains. As a matter of fact I think she's made it her life's purpose to make sure I act like a normal teenager and have fun. She rightfully says we are only young once and we should act like it. How right she is! We know more than most that at any time any of us can be killed battling to save the world. _

_Please help me restore this relationship. Because what good is saving the world if your friendships don't survive?_

_Drowning on a sea of despair_

**

* * *

Dear Sea of despair,**

**You of all people should know that water while life giving can also be highly destructive. Know these truths and deal with them. I understand frustrations with some things can slide into all aspects of your life, but ask yourself this. How do you want to be remembered? For what you were or what you've done?**

**If Sailor Moon looked inside you to see someone worth befriending then you should work on being a better friend. Understand that not everyone wants to be a Nuclear Scientist; everyone has their own niche in life and should not have to change for anyone else.**

**Go to Sailor Moon and apologize, and then tell her why you jumped on the "let's trash her" ride. If she truly is the kindest heart hero you say she is she will forgive you. But be warned the friendship will have to be rebuilt and it will never be the same! It might be better or worse, it all depends on you!**

**Kokusaijin**

* * *

(Okay Ami's made me tear up a bit. She was the official peace keeper of the group and must have had months of guilt written angst to deal with. Out of all of us Ami was the most delicate, not to say she was like a flower rather she had never had real friends before us and sometimes was overwhelmed in social situations. If left to herself she would simply try and fade into the background. I had made it my personal mission to make sure she was well rounded with fun in her life; after all you know the saying about all work and no play. Maybe I would start with Mercury first, she being the intellectual of the group would understand everything that I needed to explain. While Venus was my second in command, Ami-chan was the brains of the operation. Strategy, battle planning those was her strengths, and by Kami she would use those tools to help repair the rift in this group preferably before we all got killed!)_

* * *

Dear Kokusaijin,_

_Four months ago life really hit me hard. I had a fight with one of my best friends and since then nothing has been the same. I'm the fighter of the group. Give me something to scrap with and I am in there! My verbal attack on Sailor Moon was highly uncalled for and cost me a beautiful relationship. You see Moon was the first person to see me as something other than a trouble maker. My culinary skills just clinched the friendship. Nobody loves my triple chocolate surprise like she does!_

_The night that we fought I was so mad, but I was mad at myself for not being able to destroy the enemy. And so I took those feelings of anger and malcontent and spewed them on a blameless soul. I'm KO'D by this lost._

_Please help me! Without Moon I don't know if I can continue the good fight!_

_Stormy Clouds_

**

* * *

Dear Stormy Clouds,**

**Violence doesn't solve everything! Quick to sin and quick to repent isn't always healthy either! You must learn to slow down and take stock of your situation. Not everything in life is a battle.**

**Stop, listen, think and then act! It will save you a lot of grief in the future! Now sit Sailor Moon down and apologize and then tell her how much her friendship has done for you! Everyone likes to know when they've had a positive effect on someone's life. Be prepared to work hard on your friendship! **

**Friendship is like the perfect soufflé. You need the best ingredients, time patience and no noise! Failure on any of these can cause it to deflate! **

**Good luck with the apology and you might want to make a chocolate snack to hedge your bets!**

**Kokusaijin**

* * *

(Yikes! Saying that Makoto-chan liked to fight was like saying Godzilla loved to destroy Tokyo. Both were HUGE understatements! I mean hello. Makoto-chan lived for putting the smack-down on the bad guys; after all it was a perfect channeling of her aggressive tendencies. Bad guys went down and Jupiter didn't end up in jail on assault charges. Yet strangely enough Kami had gifted her with a softer gentler side. She was a cook extraordinaire able to whip up dishes that would make a Tenshi weep with joy or envy. Our friendship would be easy to mend; her gruff exterior hid a marshmallow heart. Quick to fall in and out of love, yet fiercely loyal that was Jupiter.)_

* * *

Dear Kokusaijin,_

_If Sailor Moon is Mar's sister, Mercury's lifeline and Jupiter's beta-taster then she is my partner in crime. But four months ago I committed the ultimate felony. No I did not jump on the "what's wrong with you band wagon". My sin was silence. Instead of standing up for her I just let everyone vent. I didn't know that she was at the end of her emotional tether. _

_I know they say "the course of true friendship never runs blue" but I think our friendship hit a huge hurdle. Please help me repair this friendship!_

_Broken Ropes of Friendship_

**

* * *

Dear Broken Ropes,**

**Commit the crime now do the time. **

**Sometimes it's the things we don't say that are the worst! You need to think about why you stood quiet instead of speaking up when your fellow Senshi jumped all over Sailor Moon. Once you figure that out you need to speak to your friends. **

**Last but not least you have to go and apologize to Sailor Moon! Let her know how much you value her friendship and willingness to join you in your escapades! **

**No the course of friendship never runs true, but with time and effort you can make your friendship last forever!**

**Kokusaijin**

* * *

(Felony, did poor Venus really view her crime as that bad? Perhaps a misdemeanor offense if any was committed. After all no one ever died of a broken heart. Did they? Looking back at all the pranks and trouble we managed to drag our fellow Senshi into I had to giggle. If Jupiter, Mercury and Mars were the serious ones of the group then Venus and I were the comic relief. And like most great comics we got no respect! Sometimes Venus would join the serious side and those were the times I felt most betrayed. Yes I was a crybaby and I was a klutz, but it was the only way I dealt with the knowledge of death at the tender age of fourteen. There were times when I swore Venus got that and others when I would despair that she would ever understand the full scope of my fear. But that is my fault. After all I never articulated what was wrong; I never opened the door to my deepest fears. How could I expect anyone to know of them if I never acknowledged them? If you can't share with your cohort in crime, how do you share with others?)_

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Dear Kokusaijin,_

_I don't know where to start. I had the perfect life, I helped save the world literally making it a better place and I found my soul mate. Imagine what a great thing it was to be able to combine the two. Saving the world and loving Sailor Moon. _

_When outside pressure started I let it push away the only thing in my life with meaning. I said things I didn't mean at the time telling myself that it was for the best. After all better alive and mad then in love and dead, right?_

_I broke up with my Tenshi and now I am miserable! Life without her has no meaning. It is like losing a limb, something you took for granted until it was no longer there! Dear Kami, I need her back in my life! I understand now that life with her no matter how short and danger filled is better than eternity without her!_

_If she takes me back I will spend eternity making it up to her and cherishing her like a princess. Please help me capture a fallen star twice. Help me win her heart back!_

_Debonair and broken!_

**

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Dear Debonair**

**Love is like a garden, tend it well and it will flourish for you. Mistreat it and it will wilt and die down. The good news is with hard work and patience you can bring your love and garden back to life. **

**Before you embark on this ask yourself this? Was it worth it to break her heart? If you really love someone you have to be honest, especially when it's easier not to be. True love is the rarest kind and few are able to find it, let alone keep it. Know what matters to you the most and take it from there.**

**So get on your knees and apologize, and keep apologizing. And when she gets fed up with the apologies and tells you not to apologize again, apologize for apologizing! Send her flowers and cards to let her know you still love her. Don't expect her to be too receptive in the beginning!**

**Lucky for you she's your soul mate which means after you have suffered enough she will probably take you back. Be prepared to suffer though, a heart once burnt will be twice shy!**

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(Oh, that one made me soooo MAD! He loved me, but did he treat me like an equal? No! Well to be perfectly fair I was quite alright with him swooping in and saving me. And what happened in our alter ego lives spilled into the dynamics of our regular relationship. I was a scared fifteen years old in love with a nineteen year old college student.

He was studious to my carefree attitude. He was responsible to my devil may care way of handling responsibility. We were polar opposites. Many a night I stood up glancing at the moon wondering why out of all the girls he had chosen me to be his girl. What made me so special?

The truth is I didn't value myself enough to make a stand for any rights. Like a love sick puppy I was grateful for whatever scraps of attention he could provide. Now not to say he treated me like shit. Rather opposite he was generous with his time and money. But many a time I would look at him reading a book that was totally beyond my comprehension and would think how much more he had in common with Ami-Chan or Rei-chan.

When he broke up with me was it really a surprise or had I deep down inside thought that whew finally the day has come? I see now that if I want this relationship to have a second chance I need to treat myself with respect, command my own attention and set my own boundaries. I still loved Mamo-chan, but I was no longer than naïve innocent child.

If he truly desired a relationship with me we had to start anew. I once heard in an American song a line that said "promises never last forever". Maybe it was true, I mean a promise is a promise, but it's almost a guarantee that the circumstances that prompted the promise always change.

It would be interesting to see Mamoru's interpretation of this advice column. I guess the only question now was could this relationship be saved?)

**

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Kokusaijin**

**Dear Sailor Moon,**

**We think it's terrible about what has happened recently to you. To lose your love and friendships within a short time span is very hard. But do not despair! Your true love and friends have seen the error of their ways! **

**As hard as it might be try and be understanding when they apologize! Important thing is to TALK it out. Both you and they need to understand the dynamics of your relationships and what causes them to act the way you do.**

**Don't try to heal the group dynamic until you work on the individual friendships. Remember you are the leader and as such you must lead, really lead. No one can disrespect you unless you allow it! If there is a valid reason for some of your behavior that the scouts didn't like then you need to be honest and come clean.**

**You all face death each time you rescue Japan and as such each person reacts differently to that pressure, in order for the Senshi and Kamen to function as a cohesive group you have to understand the strengths as well as the weaknesses.**

**The good news is that because you are friends outside the Senshi you should be able to bridge the recent gaps. **

**Establish boundaries and set limits. Facing danger daily can bond a group together and also rip them to shred faster. In the last few months you all have probably went through some major changes. Get to know the new Senshi and Kamen. **

**Also communication goes both ways! If they upset you, wait until you are calm and let them know. None of you can read minds as far as Kokusaijin knows. **

**We send you our fondest wishes and hopes for the future. And oh by the way thank you very much for defending our planet! **

**Kokusaijin**

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(It was gratifying reading the last letter to me from the magazine. After all it basically confirmed some life lessons that I had already learned. The next few months were going to be filled with challenges. I would insist that we all build our relationships be built more slowly and with a great deal more trust, communication and candor.

While I was ready to start the healing process it did not mean that I was going to just roll over and go back to the way things used to be. Like I said I would start with Ami and work my way from there. It would be one on one outings and conversations until I felt comfortable enough to deal with the Senshi as a group.

Mamoru was a bit more difficult. I find my body wants to betray my heart and mind. So while one on one was needed, it also must be public. All that man has to do is kiss me and I melt. Honestly I could not afford to be anything softer than granite until my point was well and truly established. Here's to hoping that he would feel guilty enough to respect my new boundaries.

He, the future king was going to have to woo me ardently if he hoped to regain my love, devotion and trust! For without trust there is no love….

At this point the bell rang signaling the end of lunch period. I stuffed the magazine into my satchel, avoided the girls' eyes and went back to my desk. Like I said I just wasn't ready to talk to the three of them at the same time! Man the three o'clock bell never seemed so far away!

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Gomen ne all for the time between updates, my mind is not always the most linear of things and I actually finished chapter 4 way ahead of chapter 3!

Read & Review!


	5. Chapter 5

**The deep blue**

**She Said:**

Well the magazine certainly gave me food for thought. It was over 8 months since Mamoru broke my heart, 4 months since I stopped speaking to the Senshi outside of battle and was declared an adult. I normally wasn't the type to hold onto my anger this long, but it was justified.

Now I was ready to try and find my way back to my friends, since they were ready to try and find their way back to me. I decided to start off with Ami, the smartest of the bunch. I wasn't ready for group therapy if you know what I mean. I loved them all but if we all started talking as a group we would never clear the air and things would just go back to the way they used to be. And that would result in another rift, a rift that might not be fixable this time. So taking a deep breath and taking the plunge I left a note in her locker asking her to meet me Friday after school so we could talk. I cautioned her against bringing the whole Senshi with her. I told her in plain Japanese that if I saw anybody else but her I was out!

The rest of the week flew rather quickly. Work was busy, and thanks to Kami that my boss was extremely flexible with my hours. School was the same, ever since I started paying attention my grades never fell below a 95. And Senshi business was status quo. Show up beat up the bad guys and leave. Friday afternoon I tore out of the school like a bat out of hell to arrive first at the Baisen Kafeterasu and await Ami.

Funny how I found myself more nervous meeting Ami this time than I felt when finding out she was Sailor Mercury. Remarkable how almost a year's time can change a person. Why does the passage of time affect relationships so much? Before I could get mired down in deep thoughts the bell over the door chimed. Ami had arrived. I could see she was just as nervous as I was, and a quick glance outside showed no signs of the Senshi or Mamoru. Thank Kami for small favors.

I had taken the liberty of getting us both hot chocolates with whipped cream. I sat back and waited. Eventually she would talk. I counted as seconds and minutes passed by before she broke the uneasy silence. "Usagi, why did you leave us like that?" I shook my index finger side to side "No, no Ami we have to observe the niceties first. Casual talk first and then maybe the soul searching ones" I liltingly told her. It's not often you see Ami surprised. As a matter of fact the last time that look was on her face was when I scored second place behind her on a biology test. That was also that day Ms. H and a couple of students passed out. Probably figured it was the end of the world.

"So Ami, I heard you're dating Urawa now. How's that working out? Does he remember everything about you or do you have a secret side hidden?" I mentally counted to three and watched Ami blush. It was comforting how some things never changed. "Have you begun sending out your applications to the universities yet Ami?"

"Well yes I am dating Urawa now and I have started to send…. Usagi, I know you'd like to observe the niceties, but I find that I can't. I'm so full of questions right now. The day after the fight when your Okaasan called the only thing she would say was that you and Otousan got into a huge row. A few weeks later when Mina called your house all he would say was that you no longer lived there. We only see you in school; you haven't been to the Crown Arcade in forever. Where are you living at? And how do you support yourself? We've asked Luna but the only thing that she'll say is that your okay and everything else is your business. The girls feel terrible about the whole thing and Mamoru; well let's just say things could be better. He blames everything on himself."

I sighed, so much for working our way up to the heavy conversational pieces. "You all know that I was severely injured that night. Well my injuries made me clumsy and coming home I made noise. My father burst into my room thinking it was a thief before I could un-henshin. Pretty much the night declined from there. He was so furious that I was Sailor Moon and that I had been lying to him the whole time. He gave me a choice. Sailor Moon or my family, but how could I be selfish and chose them? I may not have wanted to be Sailor Moon, but the world needed me. So I left that night. I went to court, had myself declared an emancipated minor. I found a place to live and a job. I still talk to my Mom; she calls me on my cell phone or at work.

I don't hang out at the Crown for obvious reasons. I wasn't ready to talk to any of you. My friends and the love of my life all critiqued me everyday. So I changed. I kept cutting out the pieces of me that nobody seemed to like until I was hollow. And even that wasn't enough. Do you know why I don't space out or have klutz attacks anymore? It's because I stopped daydreaming. There is no knight in shining armor and friendships don't always stand the test of time. Promises never last forever".

Poor Ami her entire face fell. I felt so bad and tried to clarify what I just stated. "Anyway this is not about recriminations Ami. I simply wanted to take the first tentative steps in rebuilding a new friendship with you and the other Senshi. As for Mamoru I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. In the meantime I thought I'd start with you and try to understand what caused you to snap that night and take it from there."

Ami looked down at her hot chocolate and stirred it. Taking a moment to compose her thoughts as it were before she opened up to me. "Usagi, you seemed to take everything lightly back then. You were constantly tardy, you never applied yourself in school and you seemed to hate Senshi business. For those of us who took this seriously your ne'er do well attitude grated."

I nodded. "Did any of you ever think that it was my way of coping? I wasn't as smart as you Ami, I didn't possess Mina grace, Rei's passion or Makoto's fighting skills. I was Odango-atama and nothing else. Even my boyfriend didn't think enough of me to fight for our love. Every battle, every day I knew could be our last. We were fourteen going on fifteen when this all started. At a time when I should have been thinking only of my first crush, I instead had to try and get by on less than 5 hours sleep some nights. Aches and pains because I always tripped and fell in battle and I still carried on.

So everything in my life suffered, because Destiny chose for us to be Senshi and for Tuxedo Kamen to protect the world. Nobody ever asked us if we accepted. The night of the fight, it was enough. I had reached the end of my emotional tether and could go no more. I turned seventeen a few months ago and all I could feel was sad. No parents, no friends no one to mark a momentous occasion.

I'm willing to bury the hatched after I speak to everyone individually. But you have to understand something Ames. I am not the same girl. And I will not tolerate being berated, talked down to or insulted. Constructive criticism I can take but nothing else. Those are my terms and you have to agree with them. Luna told me that no one can take away respect or your rights unless you allow them to. Well I have found my inner resolve and I will not allow the past to repeat itself!"

Shock and disbelief shone in her eyes. "You're right Usagi. I guess it was easier to take things out on you than say we were just tired of having to constantly save the world. We didn't take the chance to understand you as best friends should have. You were coping in your own way. When Mamoru broke your heart we didn't understand what the big deal was to you. After all it was foretold that you would marry and become the rulers of Crystal Tokyo. We all thought you were maybe overreacting.

A part of each of us was jealous, jealous that as such a young age you'd found your soul mate. None of us could know or even imagine what that felt like. Now that I have Urawa I understand what it is to find that key that fits your lock. I know how much you risk when you give your entire heart to someone. Rei and Yuuichirou are happily dating and fighting. Makoto hooked up with her childhood friend Kentaro and the two of them are blissful. Mina is dating a guy named Takeo no one knows if it is serious yet. But even with this newfound happiness it's not the same with out. We miss you and without you we are not complete."

I opened my mouth but she cut me off "Usagi I have to apologize for not being a better friend, for losing faith in you when you had done nothing to provoke it and for hurting your feelings. I was extremely lucky to have you fall into my life. Before you I was lonesome, always studying about life and never doing anything. You brought my nose out the book and between you and the Senshi you all made sure I had fun and enjoyed life. So I'm sorry and I also must say Arigato for saving me from myself!"

I giggled at Ami's confession. No not because her words were funny, rather because they are true. I remember the first time I went to the beach with her and had to take her book away from her. Honestly who reads at the beach anyway? It felt good to talk to Ames again. We weren't back to normal but it was a start. After all the Moon Kingdom wasn't built in a day, was it?

Ami and I sat there talking about everything and anything using the time to get reacquainted. I sat there and pondered which of the Senshi to tackle next.

Would it be Fiery Rei?

Love Goddess Extraordinaire Mina?

Or should I choose the culinary Tenshi Makoto?

And what was I going to say to Mamoru when we finally spoke?

But that my friends were answers best left to another day…………….

In the interim I had hot chocolate and a tentative friendship to enjoy!

**

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Ami's POV:**

I was surprised when I opened my locker and found the invitation from Usagi. Not by twitch or eye contact had she revealed she was ready to reconcile. I even skipped cram school to run straight to the temple so I could talk it over with the other Senshi. Rei wanted to confront her with all the girls but I told her that I truly believed Usagi's threat to run if she saw even a hint of the other girls or Mamoru. Although we were all friends we needed to fix this one on one. Only then could we all move on.

Friday rolled around and I was so nervous. When the time came to speak would I be able to discuss anything rationally or would I try to run away? I arrived at the shop and sure enough Usagi was busy checking outside the window to make sure I kept my word. It saddened me to know the previously innocent and trusting girl had shed her naiveté. I sat down to a large hot chocolate and extra whip cream. Kami it was good to know that some things stay the same!

She tried to start off with small talk, but I couldn't help it. Like a damn everything burst from me and I started asking questions. Of course there were niceties to observe, but for once I was cast in the roll of the impatient one, fairly bouncing out of my seat. When she wagged her finger at me, I had to hold back a grin. It was such a Rei move I wondered if she even knew that.

My heart broke when I realized all the demons that she had been dealing with. After all she was always so vivacious, so giggly and girl that no one realized she had her moments of doubt. We had wronged her even far more than we knew. In all the time that we "critiqued" Usagi we never thought of the damage that can be done to a young girls psyche. Mamoru broke her heart, and your first heartbreak is always the most dramatic. Add to that the knowledge that the person was your soul mate and yes you did have reason to weep and wail.

The Senshi had never realized the depths of despair that she felt at being Sailor Moon. True our powers were a blessing, but they were also a curse. Our duties as savior of the planet came before any personal wants or gains. This was more apparent now more then ever. We all had to choose a University close to home. We could not afford to leave Japan as this would leave the group vulnerable. True we could transport, but the amount of fights that we regularly had to fight we would miss a lot of courses. None of our parents understood why we chose not to go abroad. I mean how do you have that conversation? "Hi Mom, I'm really Sailor Mercury and that's why I can't go to Harvard?"

And though Usagi thought she wasn't brave her recent choices said otherwise. She had left home to continue to be the heroine that she sometimes hated. Her school work had dramatically improved to the point where she got approved for Azuban University. She obviously worked and supported herself. Would any of us have the inner strength to do so? Usagi definitely had my respect!

I won't say that we left the café best of friends but I do think we started on the road to recovery. And as painful as a decision as it was I knew I would not tell the other Senshi of our conversation. Indeed when I informed Usagi of it she was surprised. But I told her that each of us had to make our own way back to her. And only when we all had made up should we sway stories. Really it made sense, non of us had an exactly duplicated relationship with her, so why should our make-up be the same?

I left the café lighter of heart than when I entered it. Soon things would be like they should. No actually we would be better. Like a blade is forged in fire, so would this time apart ultimately strengthen our bond to each other and our commitment to save the world!

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Gomen ne all! I am so sorry, had a lot of personal and professional stuff going on! I will try to update chapters twice a month at least and more if possible. A small warning though, all the chapters with the girls and Luna will be short. The reunion between our star crossed lovers will of course be longer! Thanks to all my readers for their patience and understanding!

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Japanese Glossary

Baisen Kafeterasu – coffee café


	6. Chapter 6

**_AN: First things first, I am looking for a beta for this story. I know there are several grammatical errors and a few misused words. So if anybody is interested in beta-ing this story I would be grateful. Please email me I can only update this story once or twice a month. Work is slowly trying to kill me….._**

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**Red String of Fate**

**_She said:_**

I was still unsure which Senshi to tackle next. Mina, Makoto, or Rei who to pick next? A week later and I still hadn't decided. So fate decided for me.

There I was at Uita Yashin chatting with the owner to pick up some well…unmentionables. Mariko Watanabe and I had met six months ago when she hired Setsuna to design some high end wedding negligees. I played delivery girl for the sample pieces and we got to know each other. She had a great shop; it was located at the corner of Takeshita and Juuban Road. Large windows took advantage of the sunlight. A peaceful Beach-Glass blue was painted on the wall. Dark wood floors gave the store a rich old world fashion feels to it. Art work that was antique and yet unique one of a kind pieces of lingerie were framed in black shadow boxes. Custom built shelves and display racks finished off the store.

The cash register was one of those old fashioned American style ones. It took two strong guys just to lift and bring it in from the truck. By the register there was always a tray of truffles or some other chocolate confection for the customer to nibble on. Mariko had a kick ass store but it wasn't the thriving business she needed it to be. She hoped that some Setsuna designs would bring the ladies out in masses.

As for me, well for the first time I had to worry about my undergarments. So when I made that first delivery I looked in the clearance rack. So naïve was I that I didn't realize the 50 off was already on the tag. Honestly who at the age of 16 knows how much Valisere retails for? By my third delivery I felt comfortable enough with her to really chat. Somewhere in the conversation I told her that she needed a window display to lure customers in. It needed to be something very sexy and eye catching but not tacky. Yes the display needed something that would be provocative without being offensive.

Mariko laughed at me and said that wasn't her specialty. I shyly offered to do the first window for free if she would just get the things I needed for the display. After all what did she have to lose? My first display was off a man wearing a tuxedo and a mask. Behind him with just her arms showing was a bride in a negligee undressing him! So shirt opened, tuxedo hat on the floor and a bottle of champagne were some of the props used. The others were a couple of unopened condoms, flavored body lotion and chocolate body paint. I did the window on a Friday night behind thick curtains. The next morning it was the talk of the city.

Either you loved it or you hated it, but you still discussed it. Young people felt it was hip and fresh. Older folks thought it was disgraceful and wanton. And with that Uita Yashin was on the map. Everything from T.V. News to magazine articles covered the ever changing window displays. After the success of the first one we both decided twice a month was a good number for change. The popularity of the displays was helped along by my 'featuring' the Senshi and Tuxedo Kamen. My payment would be bras, panties, and sleeping apparel. Of course there was the anonymity factor. The fact that Mariko would only say it was a hot and upcoming window dresser shrouded the entire thing with mystery. The Japanese public loved a good mystery.

So there I was getting Mariko's signature for an order that she placed. She gave me a box of some new merchandise and a box of truffles. The merchandise was payment for the last window design. The truffles were a thank you for my latest mad cap idea. All of the sales people and staff now worked in lounging pajamas. Nothing too frisky or see thru was allowed. But it definitely show-cased her merchandise and showed the shoppers how comfortable and versatile it was. Much to her delight even more business rolled in!

So there we were chatting when in strolled Mina looking for a job. Recognition lit in her eyes but she never greeted me. That girl was on a mission to be hired. I waited outside the store for her to leave. I took her presence there as a sign from Kami to make up with her. I could tell as soon as she opened the door she got the job. "Hi Mina, how are you?"

"Oh Usagi-chan I am so happy!!! I got the job, which means I will have money for my singing lessons and of course my head shots to send to the modeling agencies! So tell me Usagi do you work here also?"

I hesitated for a moment and then shrugged. I might as well come clean since Mina now worked here she was bound to find out sooner than later. "I work for a designer who supplies the shop with lingerie. I also design and put together her window displays. I've been doing it for a half a year now. You can tell the others but please don't let it get out into the public. I don't want Mariko or the store suffering for it"

I watched as Mina's eyes became impossibly huge. Can't say as I blame her, all this new information did not compute with the old Usagi. Not to mention some of my displays had skirted the line between tasteful and offensive. I waited until I had her attention again and asked her out to ice cream. Never one to say no to a frozen desert she accepted. We went to the newest parlor that an American company "Ben & Jerry's" had opened up. I glided up to the case and ordered a plain vanilla cup and received a strange look from Mina. I shrugged. When you have to pay all your bills you quickly learn that you can do without a gallon of ice cream a week. After Mina picked up her chocolate mint shake we sat down in a corner booth.

"I've been quiet all this time Usagi, but I still can't wrap my mind around you working for a fashion designer and designing store windows. I mean the Senshi wondered at some of the displays. Some of them looked like the Princess and Prince. Others looked like Slutty Senshi. Oh and this one display with Mars tied up and gagged. Kami I thought Rei was going to torch the place down. I have never seen her so mad. What possessed you to do those displays Usagi? I'm not judging you, I actually thought they were funny you know tongue-in-peek."

I rolled my eyes. "It's tongue-in-cheek Mina, and I did it as a sort of therapy I suppose you could say. You all hurt me beyond anything that mere words can convey. I wasn't enough for you all so I changed. Changed and slowly died inside every day. But none of you saw past the façade and you were supposed to be my best friends. And even with that one fuck up was all it took for everyone to jump on the let's bash Usagi train. Didn't anyone notice the blood on my fuku? How about the fact that I looked like I just went a round with Yokozuna and lost the match? In regards to Mamoru-san, did any of you think that meeting your soul mate at fourteen, losing him due to a wish for everything to be normal at fifteen and then finally getting with him at sixteen only for him to tear your heart out was a tad overwhelming? At the age where my first kiss and what to wear to the mall should have been my biggest concerns I was off saving the world and falling in love. But I wasn't emotionally or physically prepared for either.

So I dealt with it by being a ditz. Sorry that I couldn't think of any other way to deal with it. Mina there was times when I wanted to climb Tokyo Tower and scream my despair to the night sky. Fate chose us, but not all of us were equipped to be Sailor Senshi or the future rulers of Crystal Tokyo." I took a deep breathe and looked up at Mina.

Tears shimmered in her eyes. I waved them away.

"I did not tell you to get pity Mina. Rather to explain my metamorphism from ditzy teenager to responsible adult. When my father threw me out the house, I thought I would die. I thought maybe I should just lie down and die. But something in me would not just die and so I fought back. I have a good life Mina. I miss my friends but I will not go back to the old way of being friends. We have to all get to know each other again. And I'm guessing that we should set up boundaries. I won't tolerate a repeat of the past." Well that was a lot to chew on so I came from left field.

"Change of subject, a little birdie told me you're dating someone new? So tell!"

I've seen so many emotions from Mina but never this thoughtful quietness that sat on her face. "I will tell you Usagi, but after I apologize for not being a better friend. It's just…I had all these memories from the Moon Kingdom and I remembered how graceful you use to be. I knew you were smart and capable and it drove me crazy that you were the complete opposite of the Moon Princess. At times it even irked me that you had come back as our ditzy leader. Don't get me wrong Usagi; I love you like a sister. It's just wasted potential is hard to ignore. And I think maybe I was jealous. Even at the age of 16 you knew what your future held. Princess, Queen, Wife and Mother those were the roles Kami set for you. The rest of us have to wonder will we ever be allowed to pursue our dreams or will being Senshi and loyal to Crystal Tokyo destroy our chances for a bright future.

You weren't the only one struggling; you weren't the only person who was drowning on dry land. To make it worse, to really show the scope of our betrayal the rest of us wouldn't even be friends if not for you. Our only excuse is that we are all the same age and sometimes even though we act like adults there is still that hidden core of childishness. Anybody can tell you children can be crueler with their truths than an adult can be with a lie.

We haven't been the same without you Usagi. It's like a large piece of the puzzle is missing. You are the heart of this group and for a while we all forgot that. Forgive me?"

I looked at Mina. There was a change of heart in Mina. She too had grown in the last few months.

She would always get sayings wrong and she would always believe true love conquers all, but it was tempered with the knowledge that life and relationships were fragile. You had to hold onto both tightly, but there was a trick. Hold on too tight and you kill that very thing which you are trying to protect.

I watched her face perk up mischievously and groaned. 1000 Yen that whatever came out of her mouth next was so not going to be my favorite thing.

"I can't wait to tell the girls about the window! Oh Usagi can I tell Motoki? He was so titillated by some of the displays. Kami, I've never seen him blush so much when I slipped and told him I had a negligee just like the one in the window. The poor man kept dropping glasses every time he looked over at our booth! The girls all scolded me, but hey all is fair in love and war!"

I laughed when picturing poor Motoki blushing and turning clumsy. But what did Mina mean by love and war? I sighed I was so going to regret asking that question, I just know it! "Okay Mina spill, what did you mean all is fair in love and war?"

Suddenly the bubbly Mina got quiet and looked down into her partially melted shake. "Usagi you know as the Senshi of love I am able to sense connections and when two people are meant for each other right? Like you and Mamoru-San even though you broke up and you weren't happy the red string of fate that bound you together never snapped. Oh it got kinked and knotted real good, but it held. Rei has that same connection with **Yūichirō**, Ami and Urawa, Makoto and Kenichi they all have that red string. I've never known who had mine before, recently I saw it. Imagine my surprise when it turned out to be Motoki! I mean there I was sitting in our normal booth talking about the window display and negligee when I glanced down I saw a red string. I wasn't a straight line where I could say eureka that's him! Nope it twisted and turned and even crossed itself a few times. You know how curious I am ne? Well I tugged at the string and he looked up. To make sure I did it again. And once more he stopped and looked at me. However with all the knots and kinks in that string it's going to be a hell of a bumpy ride, which man is he going to make me run him to ground!"

I almost choked on the bit of ice-cream in my mouth, Motoki and Mina who would have thought?

"So are we cool?" Mina asked.

I shook my head, always impatient this one was. "We're not quite there Mina but we are definitely on the road to cool. Now I hate to eat and run but I have to go to work and then study for my physics exam this week. I'll call you later this week. Ja Ne."

* * *

**_Mina tells all:_**

I was walking to meet up with everyone at the Arcade after calling them on their communicators. I was still trying to wrap my mind around several truths. The first and most important being that Usagi had changed and no amount of wishing would make the genie go back into the bottle. The second truth was there was a naughty side to our Moon Princess that we had never seen before. If any of us thought that we could just slip into the roles we had before we were sadly mistaken. The play had changed and we would need to learn our lines.

I walked into the Arcade and up to Motoki, the hidden love of my heart. "Ohayo Motoki, can I please have a hamburger with fries and a soda? I'll be sitting at my regular booth."

I sat back and waited for the girls and Mamoru to arrive. What should I tell them? A partial truth, which essentially is a partial lie or just come clean? I knew the reactions of all involved and few would be happy ones.

With perfect timing the food and the friends arrived. I waited for everybody to give their order to Motoki and settle down. I silently looked around the table. Such expectation was written on their faces. I sighed. Here goes nothing.

"I called because I went to apply for a job at Uita Yashin and while there I meet up with Usagi."

"Usako, what is she doing in a place like that?" Mamoru growled.

"Usagi-chan working in a lingerie shop Mina, are you sure about that?" Makoto chimed in.

"Enough I snapped before Rei could open her mouth. Either you all give me time to get the WHOLE story out or I'm leaving!" Kami at this rate I would be telling the story to my great grandchildren. "As I was saying Usagi was there. She waited until I completed my application and interview for us to talk. It seems that she is as Ami said before working for a fashion designer. She however has a second job. What I am about to tell you cannot leave this circle of friends. Do you all swear?"

I watched as they all nodded. Yet I still crossed my fingers and prayed. "That job is doing the window at Uita Yashin."

I closed my eyes and waited for the explosion. Absolute silence reigned. I cautiously opened my eyes. Dumbfounded, they weren't able to make a sound. Yikes I wish I had a camera this would definitely be a Kodak moment! Trust Rei to snap out of it first.

"So the window that 'featured' Sailor Mars tied up, gagged and being spanked by Jadeite was Usagi's idea? And the window display of Sailor Jupiter shackled and suspended from the ceiling with Kunzite undressing her and some 'toys' around? Let's not forget the window of Sailor Mercury looking like she just got out of the shower with a thong hanging from her hand…a man's thong by the way! But perhaps she really stretched it when she had Sailor Venus as a 'slave' girl kneeling next to Zoisite and Nephrite. Oh but by far the most outrageous was the one of Tuxedo Kamen bound and gagged kneeling to a nearly NAKED Moon Princess who was leaning over his to whisper something in his ear while the poor man knelt there with ripped clothing and discarded roses around him!"

I slammed my hands down on the table. "You promised to keep quiet Rei, if this gets out Usagi may never forgive you." I really didn't want to play that trump card but what could I do? Let her get all worked up and draw attention to us? The others looked pissed to say the least but at least they held their tongues.

"How dare she? How could Usagi do that to us? The humiliation we all felt when the magazines featured those windows. I could barely stand to walk by that shop. I feel so betrayed!" Makoto inaudibly stated.

"Good we all should feel betrayed! Still those feelings wouldn't even make a dent in what we've done to Usagi. We left her with no love, no friends, and no support. In the time when she needed us the most we were the ones who drove her away. Mamoru the man who loved her but didn't trust the strength of that love and devotion with Usagi. Rei the one who called herself the best friend yet you always belittled her for almost everything under the sun. Makoto the fierce warrior who could understand why Usagi could not be more battle hardened like you. And finally myself, the analytical mind of the group who couldn't see the jewel underneath the scared girl that was Usagi. We all deserve to feel some pain as part of our penance. But a word to the wise if you confront her on this, or try to take umbrage with her you will lose her forever. Is that what any of you want?"

Guilty expressions could be found on everyone's face after Ami's point of view. So we had some risqué window displays based on our alter egos. It hadn't killed us and we still had each other to bitch to. After that the conversation turned to which one of the remaining group would Usagi pick next to reconcile with, what Mamoru-san should do to try and get back in her good graces. I felt that he should try to be her friend first and then her lover. After all this time he could no longer with any certainty say he knew her. Love must come from trust and right now I knew she didn't trust him. The wound had been too deep for her not to cautiously guard her heart this time around.

I told Makoto and Rei that they had to make sure they were not judgmental. After all this was about Usagi and not them. And if they felt their tempers slipping close their eyes and count to one hundred if needed. If not politely excuse themselves from the location and leave. You gained nothing from vinegar and everything with honey. Usagi would not be swayed by harsh words, nor would she put up with it. Like a sword forged in fire she had an added strength to her.

Everyone promised their best behavior and the group split. I was just getting out of the booth ready to head home when Motoki grabbed my arm and dragged me to the back room. Slamming the door behind him he looked extremely pissed. I have never seen such an angry look on his face! So naturally I tried to run. Trapping me with his body he looked into my eyes.

"So tell me Mina, how long have you all been Sailor Senshi and which one are you?"

**

* * *

Terms:**

**Uita Yashin – Sexy Lingerie**

**Yokozuna – title given to the champion for sumo wrestling**


	7. Chapter 7

The Secrets that We Keep

* * *

Mina's side:

Oh shit, I was so overwhelmed by the feel of Motoki's body against mine that it took me a moment to process his question. When I did, the desire that had been pooling in my body quickly dispelled. How in the hell had he come to that conclusion? We were so careful with our secrets; after all we were old hands at keeping them. Being me, I tried to brazen my way out of it. You know what they say deny, deny and keep on denying!

"Motoki are you okay? Where would you come up with such a silly idea like that? In case you haven't noticed, I'm the scatterbrained blonde of the group, how could I be a Sailor Senshi?"

His blue eyes narrowed and darkened. Okay, so not buying the story. Well, I had an oath to protect the earth and my fellow Senshi. Not to mention my fealty and loyalty to the Moon Princess. Once I confirmed my identity, it would take only a tiny leap to pair up the remaining identities with my friends. I looked into his eyes. Why so much anger? We were just friends, so it shouldn't matter to him if I wanted to strip down naked and stroll down street! Kami-sama, I can't believe I said that last part out loud!

Motoki meanwhile was still pressing me against the door, using his body to trap mine. All I wanted was to get out of this little room and never ever come back. I closed my eyes and concentrated really hard. Ah, there's the red string. I've never tried this before you see, and I wasn't a 100 sure it would work. But a girl has to try right? As I pulled on the string really hard, his head snapped up and his eyes widened. Now while he was distracted, I pushed him and ran out of the room. Somewhere the Fates were laughing their Asses off, I just knew it!

I ran for a few blocks and figured I was safe. After all, Motoki never left before his shift was over. As I leaned over to try and catch my breath something made me look up, and there he was, not 20 yards away. Fuck that man went from being persistent to a down right pain in the ass! I started to run, at this point I could only think of Rei's temple. I couldn't go home since he knew where I lived from the time I fell and sprained my ankle. Figures that his good deed would come back and bite me in the ass!

He's human, so I should have been able to lose the man right? Oh abso-fucking-lutely wrong! I was about two blocks from safety when his hand reached out and brought me to a stop by grasping my upper arm. Here I was, too out of breath to ask how the hell he had managed that. Worse thing was he was barely panting. And before you say I must have let myself go, I go workout everyday for over an hour!!! Add to that a daily regimen of youma slaying and protecting the general public and you get the idea …..

I thought he would try and get me to talk right there. Instead he dragged me, protesting the whole way, back to the park and found a very secluded area. Gulp! He then shook me like a rag doll and then told me in a most un-Motoki like voice; "You will tell me the truth Mina, or so help me I will not be responsible for my actions."

Oh, that was entirely the wrong thing to say. He didn't own me! I wasn't his girlfriend or significant other! The nerve of that _kusotare_! I folded my arms across my chest, hoping he got the significance of the body language. Didn't I have enough on my plate? I had Senshi duty, school, university worries, the Dark Moon Kingdom, a slow love life and most importantly rebuilding my relationship with Usagi! I so did not have time for this shit! With that in mind, I spun around to leave and let Motoki stew in his own juices as they say.

So you can imagine my shock when I was pulled back, thrown over his knee and spanked soundly! It took a second or two for that information to travel from my ass up to my brain. What The Fuck? Who in the seven levels of Hades did he think he was? 'Oh my Kami Mina, you are such a hentai! You aren't supposed to get turned on by this. Stop the presses the Senshi of love is a deviant! Shouldn't we be struggling and protesting at this point? Oh note to self ….we have to stop under estimating Motoki; his easygoing manner is obviously just for show. Why that no good swine, it appeared I didn't even know the man who was my soul-mate.' I tell you righteous indignation will give you the high road!

I maneuvered myself out of his lap and made sure I glared at him. "So Motoki it seems I am not the only one who is keeping secrets, ne?" I said as I tenderly rubbed my behind.

"Don't make this harder than it needs to be Mina, just answer the question. How long have you been a Senshi and which one are you?" There was such anger in his eyes, and another emotion lurking in the background. But if he thought he could scare me into confessing, this man was so WRONG! I've faced the **Dark Moon Kingdom**. I've even died a couple of times. I don't crack so easily under pressure.

"Listen to me well Motoki…IF and that is a big IF, I was a Sailor Senshi, I could not tell anyone except my soul-mate. It would not just be my life I was entrusting but the Senshi as well. You have no right to ask such a question of me. Do you realize that if I were a Sailor Senshi, the man I love would have to share me with the world? My wants and desires would not just be my own. I'm going home Moto-san and I will pretend this whole," and I waved my hands expressively, "episode did not happen. And tomorrow we will go back to be being the good friends that we are."

Okay why was that one statement like waving a red flag in front of a bull, I wondered as he laid into me. "You listen to me Mina; you have been trying to land me since you first met me. You've chased me, you've flirted with me, and you have damn well frustrated me! I fucking surrender! Because Kami knows since that last comment about the negligee, I have capitulated." With that he fell down to his knees, his head bowed in defeat.

"Don't you dare tease me Moto-san what happened to Reika? You've been with her since I met you! And now, I'm supposed to believe that you've had a change of heart? Why? What makes me so special? Damn you for playing with my heart." I cried bitterly. 'Oh Usagi, is this emotion what you felt in your soul when Mamoru-san broke your heart? Did you feel like your world was coming to an end? Like floating in a sea of pain?' I was brought out of my musing when his arms went around my waist and he rested his head on my stomach, seeking to comfort me.

"I told Reika that the long distance relationship was not working out, and that I wanted to break up with her. She readily agreed and told me that she had been thinking the same thing for a long time, but was unsure on how to approach it in conversation. It was when I hung up that it really hit me. I should've been upset about breaking a three-year relationship, and the only thing I felt was relief, what did that say about our relationship Mina? And why, after all these years, were you suddenly in my thoughts? Not as a friend, but as a potential lover. I never meant to hurt you koishii, but I'll let you know you are special Mina. Not because of your other life, but in spite of it. You love life and never hesitate to show that. Maybe you've never seen this side of me, well because now I realize how much I have to lose. I won't push you again Mina. I hope one day soon you will trust me. Trust me enough to let me into your life and your heart." And with that the prince of my heart stood up and began to walk away, never once looking me in the face.

'Was I, or was I not the Senshi of Love? Would I let old insecurities stop me from claiming the love I deserved? Unbidden an old American song "The Promise" popped into my head.

_**I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say. (I promise)**_

_**I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. (I promise)**_

_**But if you wait around a while, I'll make you fall for me,  
I promise, I promise you I will.**_

Should I tell Motoki the words that were in my heart? And could I find the right words to say?

"Motoki! Wait!" I cried out.

**

* * *

Motoki journey**

'Ah a beautiful day, good business and everyone was having fun, and then my day really picked up. There, in walked in my koneko asking for her usual. Today there was no special smile or coy looks from her, something must be up. That guess was confirmed when the girls strolled in accompanied by Mamoru-kun. Poor dope, he had a perfect girlfriend with a perfect life and then he breaks up with her. Looks like hindsight really was 20/20 because only now could he see exactly what he had set aside, while I did not have all the details, I will tell you the loss of his Usako still haunted the man. I went up to the table to drop off Mina's order and get the rest. Now, normally I am a very easygoing, lovable type of guy, but lately I've noticed more and more each and every damn time I get close to their table, the conversation stops. Now I know they are not talking about me, so what in the world could they be talking about that is so damn top secret?

Now I will gladly admit to you that I am not proud of what I did next, and yes, I lied to myself and told myself I was doing this in the name of friendship. I called the waitress Akiko over and told her to cover the counter while I went to the basement to get some supplies. See, the booth that they sat by was near an air vent, and if you climbed a ladder and got close enough you could hear the entire conversation clearly, and no, you can't ask how exactly I knew that little tidbit.

Now I was amazed that Mina got the job at the lingerie shop, and had quite a few hentai thoughts about her in some of the merchandise I noticed in the window displays. I had to cover my mouth to prevent my laughter from being heard when the fact that Usagi was the creator of the very evocative window displays was revealed. Trust me; I was less amused when I heard about the Sailor Senshi and their part of the betrayals. Never in my entire 20 years have I been so angry. Mina, a Sailor Senshi and she had never told me? The Senshi had betrayed Usagi who obviously was a fellow Senshi? Enough of this second hand information, I planned to get it straight from the horses mouth. I flew up the stairs and grabbed her as the little party broke up.

It was a very stunned Mina who was pulled into the storeroom in the back. To ensure she did not escape I trapped her body with mine. Kami a perfect fit. 'Hello Motoki! We are here to get information, not get excited!' Whew! Back on track! If I live to be a hundred years old, I will never forget the look in her eyes when I asked; "So tell me Mina how long have you been a Sailor Senshi, and which one are you?" Do superheroes faint? Cause she looked mighty damn close to doing so. I felt a moment's pity before ruthlessly squashing it. Mina would tell me the truth this day, unlike other days when I felt that Mamoru-kun and the others were keeping secrets from me; I would not brush this under the rug, so to speak.

Impossibly huge cobalt eyes gazed up at me, wordlessly begging for me to please let this go. My heart ached for my little _anata_, but I would not be swayed from my course. Fate or some influence determined that this would be the day that I learned the truth and declared my intentions for my little hellcat. I say hellcat because if you've ever witnessed my Mina loose her temper, you would know that she is not to be trifled with or taken lightly.

But this is not about Mina or her temper; this is about honesty and the secrets that she is keeping. I've always thought that Mina would be a fairly worthy opponent, I've even thought of her as my wife and lover. However, I never expected her to play dirty. And please no incredulousness! She deliberately pulled something in my soul, tugged so damn hard that I was practically paralyzed for a moment from it, and with that my little _koneko_ pushed me and ran. Now when I say ran, I mean Olympic athletes would have fallen to their knees and begged Kami for that type of speed. So how was I able to stay just a couple of steps behind her, after pausing quickly to tell the waitress I had an emergency and would be back as soon as I was able? No clue really.

As I ran I began to think; do I ask my flaxen haired beauty why I dream of her in a distant land? Should I demand that she tell me why I know when she is sad, her favorite thing to do is walk in the rain? And even though we've never had a conversation about it, I know her favorite color is orange because it reminds her of flowers that burst with life in the beginning of spring. I know she's a hopeless romantic, and believes that true love never dies. This knowledge is a comfort and a burden. I loved knowing things about Mina, but it terrifies me nonetheless. The how and why I know these things must be answered! And I just hope she has the answers, for both our sakes.

We were almost to the Shinto Temple when I captured her, and I caught myself from laughing at the incredulous look on her face. I dragged her towards the park and thanked the Fates, for in her desperate attempt to flee; Mina had chosen a block that was near a rather secluded part of the park. We argued, neither of us giving ground. I snapped. Yep, I grabbed her, flung her over my knee, and spanked her a few times. It was only as my hand was descending for the fifth time that the … shall I say, kinkiness of the situation dawned on me. With that realization, and a certain part of my anatomy coming to life, I stopped and let Mina get up. A light blush settled upon her cheek, and I could not help but wonder if she was similarly affected?

"So Motoki it seems I am not the only one who is keeping secrets, ne?" she asked me with sarcasm and embarrassment dripping from every word, as she rubbed her tender behind. Oh, how I wished it were my hand caressing her curves, soothing the hurt I inflicted. Enough! I had best keep my mind on the conversation.

Okay, since whichever way I chose to answer that question would probably end with me being slapped, I chose the no comment response and remained silent.

I did take the offensive and asked her again about the Senshi and her secrets, while trying to look my sternest at her. Damn if that girl blinked an eye. She had no give in her! What came out her mouth about soul mates and secrets rang a bell deep within my own soul, so when she brought Reika into it and looked like she was going to cry, it shattered my resolve. I had to let her know that this was not just fun and games!

I told her quite candidly that I broke up my long distance relationship, and that it should not have felt like a relief. Three years of your life gone, and one would think there would be some sorrow involved. Instead I felt like I was at the edge of a precipice, as if the last three years were merely to keep me occupied until the time was right.

Eight months ago, I began to have dreams of Mina and me in a strange place that I did not know. As unfamiliar as the scenery was, it still felt like home. I chalked that down to stress and some weird snacks before going to bed. So, no more miso soup with edamame beans before sleep, and definitely no more Shumai with a ginger Wasabi sauce! But to no avail, the dreams did not stop, if anything they became more vibrant and detailed with time. More three dimensional so to speak, still I was not willing to admit that this was more than a stress induced issue.

After all you can ignore dreams, I figured reasonably. Dreams are your subconscious trying to make sense of the world, or maybe it's just the ultimate stress reliever. Whatever reason you subscribe to, you can see how it was human nature to dismiss them out of hand. However, you can't dismiss it when you suddenly have some intimate knowledge about a girl with whom you've never discussed that information. Mina's favorite color, what she likes to do on rainy days, her secret delights and deepest wants. Add to that, the knowledge of her moods before she's opened her mouth and we had a conundrum. At this point I started researching the Internet. I looked up signs of abnormal human behavior, better to confirm that I was still sane before investigating other avenues of thought.

So according to my research, I was sane. Still a type A personality, and driven, but I was not crazy. Not that it in any way shape or form brought me any comfort. Now I started to look into unexplained phenomena. According to my research, such abilities are often reported after a serious head injury. Fuck! No injury to explain that away. I was as fit as a fiddle, and to my knowledge had never had any traumatic brain injury. On to door number three. I began to research soul mates and soul bonds.

Imagine to my surprise, the fountain of information that I stumbled onto. The consensus was that soul mates are bonded on such a level, that without each other they are often incomplete, living separate lives, and not knowing why they are not happy, just always feeling that something is missing. This lead to the speculation that soul mates were 'supposed' to end up together, in each lifetime they lived. Reincarnated, to always meet and fall in love. Yet in some lives, they never meet or one dies early, and they must wait until the next lifetime to find their happiness.

Okay, less than enthusiastic about that one. Yes, reincarnation was a widely accepted viewpoint, but up until now I'd never really given it a thought either way. I had months to think about it, and yet standing here, in front of Mina, well I wasn't sure I completely embraced that idea. I knew deep down inside that Mina was the key to all this, and that she would know what all these strange memories meant. I did the hardest thing then, I told her that I would give her time to decide if she could trust me. Damn it was the hardest thing to do just walking away!

"Motoki! Wait!" Those two words uttered by Mina were the sweetest I'd ever heard.

To this day, I'll never know what she meant to say when I turned around. Before she could get a word out, the world exploded around us. My eyes moved from Mina to track some trees that were flung by some very big and very mean looking monster. Kami what was that? Was that one of the famous youma that always attacked Japan? It was the size of a small mountain, and as ugly as lungfish. I turned to Mina, to haul her out of here, but she was gone. Before I could curse her, I spied a little girl huddling near the bridge. She was directly in the path of a boulder that the youma threw! I saw Sailor Venus running to intercept, but she was too far away. In a split second the world around me faded and I knew it, Sailor Venus was Mina. No amount of glamour could hide the truth from me any longer.

Right now, I had a little girl to save, and had no time to ponder my discovery. Using every ounce of speed I had, I ran to scoop the little girl up and move her to safety. I would have made it too, if a second youma had not shown up. I dodged the boulder, only to get nailed with the remains of a park bench. I knew I would never be able to duck it, so I turned to shield the child with my body and uttered a short prayer to Kami.

The world exploded into a kaleidoscope of color before fading to black.

The voice of an angel kept calling me …..

**

* * *

**

And so she said:

I couldn't ignore the pain in his voice, so I called for him to wait. I'm not even sure that I knew what I was going to say. I loved him deep down inside, and it was so confusing. The love, the adoration was from 1000 years ago, and while this Motoki held a lot of traits of my old love, he was not the same, and neither was I. In this time, we still had dating and other niceties to get out of the way before happily ever after came. So many questions to be answered; how had our old loves come to be in this time? Why had they awakened before Crystal Tokyo? Had the time line shifted once again? Was our happily ever after sacrificed for our stupidity?

Sad to say there was no time to reflect on any of that, a youma was in the park and it was having a tantrum! Throwing rocks, trees and whatever else it got its mitts on! Motoki turned to track the path of a tree and I split. It was time to henshin and call in for backup! I transformed not too far away, and started back to protect Motoki. To my surprise, when he looked at me recognition showed in his eyes. I knew the time for secrets was past. A boulder went flying towards a little girl. Even with my speed, I wasn't going to make it. So imagine my surprise when Motoki ran toward the girl in a blur of speed. He would have made it too, if the youma hadn't brought a friend to play with. Talk about illegal tag teaming! Dodging a boulder to get hit with a park bench, that really was poor way to be rewarded for a heroic act!

He saw his own peril coming towards him and turned to shelter the little girl with his body. I was still running when he went down. I don't think I was ever so scared and angry as I was in that moment. I used my Love and Beauty kiss, and watched in surprise and horror as the two youma were dusted. Guess Luna was right when she said our feelings feed our powers. My fear and love for Motoki had pushed my limits. It seemed the deeper the emotion, the stronger the power that we were able to generate.

I ran over to them and dropped down to my knees beside him and the little girl. I carefully checked the girl's pulse like Ami taught us. Good, it was steady; she probably passed out from shock and fear. I would have Mercury check her over anyway, just incase. Next I looked to Motoki. My world nearly ended when I saw the blood. I moved his hair out of the way, and observed a deep gash on his forehead from when he landed. I was terrified to turn him over to examine his back. When I checked his pulse it was slow and weak. I prayed to every Kami that I could remember that he would be all right. I couldn't lose him, not now! As I held my hand to his gash, somehow I noticed how quickly my gloves turned red from his blood.

A false calm settled in me. Where the hell were the girls? Just as I was about to succumb to some minor hysteria Mercury and Mars arrived. Followed closely by Moon and Jupiter, and of course Tuxedo Kamen rounded out the party. I looked at Mercury and could barely speak. "Save him Ami-chan. I don't know if I could survive losing him again!" Now the others had a perplexed look on their face, but Ami just calmly whipped out her computer and scanned him, and from her sub-space pocket she withdrew a first aid kit. After patching him up, she scanned the little girl and nodded. I could only sit by Motoki's side and hold his hand while waiting for the final verdict. I willed him to get better; he couldn't leave me, not now, not when we were on the cusp of discovering our love once again.

"Mina, stop feeding him your energy. He'll be fine. Head wounds always bleed a lot, and as for the rest of him, he has some deep contusions and some lacerations. What happened to him?" Ami asked. I recapped the whole youma fight, glossing over why we were in the park in the first place. Ami narrowed her eyes. "Impossible. For him to survive that Mina, if he was a mere human, his back would have been broken, and his skull would have been crushed. Think, what could cause this phenomenon?" I looked at my fellow Senshi, could I actually say the words?

"Everyone, Motoki is my soul mate."

Keep in mind we were outside, and in a park, yet you could have heard a pin drop.

"Of course, hold on while I scan him again." Ami exclaimed. Nice to know I wasn't the only nervous one who jumped!

"Mina, you know your not strictly human right? I mean, you have some DNA from your time as the Senshi of Venus during our time in the Silver Millennium. Well Motoki has the same energy signature, his DNA is also altered. I can't explain it though!" Of all the things that Mercury could have said, well that one took the cake. Just how many people had come with us to this time? And how did someone from Venus end up with me? Questions and more questions with no viable answers in sight!

"Okay every one, we are not going to solve this little mystery anytime soon. In the meantime we have to make a decision regarding Motoki. Do we leave him at a hospital or do we take care of him. If so who and where? I can take him to my loft, but due to responsibilities I can't nurse him. Mamoru-san could take him as they are friends, but there will be questions and possibly lies. Therefore …" before Usagi could finish I chimed in.

"My parents are away for two weeks, so I can take care of him." I held up a hand to stifle the protest I seen coming. "Besides, we have a conversation to finish, he knows I am Sailor Venus. And more importantly we are destined to be together." Wow, two opened mouths, one falling to the knees and one almost falling out of the tree he was perched in, not bad.

Usagi tilted her head to the side as if she was listening to something only she could hear. "Of course, that makes sense. The Queen would not have sent us to the future to remain by ourselves. After all, if we married normal guys they would die before Crystal Tokyo." Back to the tilted head and this time an evil grin came to her face. "Interesting ……"

In spite of the situation I had to giggle. Never figured that between I and Usagi, we would make the group speechless. "Tuxedo Kamen, can you please help me get him to my house? I'd carry him, but I am tired. I think I gave him too much of my energy."

Rei opened her mouth to protest, but surprisingly Usagi beat her to it. "No Rei, do not interfere. This is between Mina and Motoki. We can only offer her our support. They must find their way to each other." Maybe Usagi saw the truth in Rei's face, but suddenly her stance changed and she said "Don't push this Rei, I won't back down or yield on this point. Go home to Yuichiro, and finish the date you were on before duty called. Makoto, drop the little girl at the hospital so they can monitor her and locate her parents. Tuxedo Kamen, get Motoki to Mina's house. Mercury you will go there and make sure you explain what his regimen for healing will be. Check in daily and report to Luna." We must have not moved fast enough for her 'cause her eyes narrowed and she bit out her next word, "NOW."

Makoto looked at her and grinned. "Show-off, just look at you with the secret knowledge and leadership abilities. So what are you going to do for a finale?"

Usagi grinned; I mean a real, old time Usagi grin, and said rather saucily that we hadn't seen anything yet! And in a flurry of feathers she disappeared. Talk about flashy! Her disappearance galvanized us into action. Mars and Jupiter left with the little girl. Minutes later found Motoki comfortably settled into my bed. Tuxedo Kamen departed saying he would call for updates on his friend. Mercury in the meantime had reverted back to normal, and was writing down entire books worth of instructions. Dear merciful heaven, she didn't expect me to do all that did she?

"Ami-chan, what are you writing, a book story of your life, or care instructions? Cause I don't do complicated!" I growled to her rather angrily. No, I wasn't mad at her just the situation. I blinked as a sheath of papers came into view.

"The first couple of sheets are a list of the supplies you'll need for his injuries. The second list is what to watch for, and the actual care instructions. The third is just a list of the foods that you should feed him. Now Mina, I know that you'll attempt to heal him by sharing your energy with him. Be very careful. Too much, and we could lose you, and that will kill everyone who loves you, especially Motoki. I'll come by later with Urawa and check up on you both." And with a final hard look she left.

Kami I was so tired. I crawled into the bed beside him, holding just his hand so that I could feed him a small amount of energy. I fell into a deep sleep where I dreamt of an age gone by, with people who no longer existed. Questions still went around in my subconscious. How in the world could Motoki be a Venusian? What did this mean for the future? And why had this come out here and now?

oOo oOo oOo

_**

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Glossary**_

_Kusotare- shithead_

_Koneko – kitten_

_Anata – dear_

_Henshin - __metamorphosis__disguise__transformation_

oOo oOo oOo

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Expectations:**

Two more Senshi's and Tuxedo Kamen left for reconciliation;

More about the Silver Crystal;

What dreams may come – how is the future affected?

Gomen Ne – Very Sorry all …. This chapter kicked my ass! The more I tried to get it to work the worse it got. So I took a mini vacation from it and I hope you will agree the wait was worth it!!!

Read & Review!!!!


	8. Chapter 8

**Don't want to fall in love**

She said:

Damn it all to the seven levels of Hell! How could Usagi advocate Mina taking care of Motoki all by herself? What, the man turns out to be her soul mate and poof! Instant acceptance? And then she told me to get back to my date with Yuichiro! To say that I was aggravated would be a major understatement. As I passed by a bush it began to smoke. That more than anything snapped me out of my mental rant. I had already transformed back into Rei, so how could I explain the burning bush? Survey says … I can't.

A fiery temper is not always a good thing. And yes, I am trying to get better control of myself. The fiasco with Usagi has taught me that jumping first and looking later is not the best thing to do in life. So, I was a little perplexed about why I was so angry. I didn't begrudge Usagi her newfound confidence, nor was I envious that Mina found her soul mate, so what exactly had set me off?

As I walked towards the temple, I could see Usagi lounging against the wall waiting for me. Now don't get me wrong, I really wanted to make up with Usagi, I missed her terribly. But a part of me was afraid that I would take out my temper on her and make things worse. I guess this would be our moment of understanding. I wondered what she wanted to say. I prayed for patience, wisdom and guidance. Most of all, I prayed to the Kami's that everything would turn out all right.

"We need to talk." Usagi stated as she pushed herself off of the wall by the temple stairs. In her face I saw determination. It was a look that was not so familiar to me, and yet it suited this new Usagi. I narrowed my eyes at her. "I thought you'd be home, aren't you tired from all that energy you used tonight?" Oh great! Now there was a twinkle in her eye like she was amused. Always happy to be a source of entertainment, yep that was me, Rei the Shinto Miko, Sailor Mars and college hopeful.

"If you're talking about the feather thing, and then transporting my body, there wasn't much energy expended with that little trick. And contrary to popular opinion, lounging doesn't take up a lot of energy either." Usagi drawled out, still clearly amused. But suddenly I watched the amusement fall from her eyes to be replaced with a purpose. It was almost scary how quickly her moods could change. I tried to probe her mind and received a mental slap that had me literally shaking my head to try and clear it. Fuck I hate when that happens!

"Last warning Rei, don't ever try that again. I am telling you this as a courtesy. Next time the kid gloves come off!" She stated quietly.

Shit, if that was a mild reprimand, I hated to think about what a determined warning would feel like! I glanced at my watch; there wasn't too much time until my date. I wondered again what was so important that this had to be done now. "Um, Usagi not that I'm not thrilled to be talking to you again, but why here and why now?"

Usagi looked up at the sky as if she were contemplating what or how to tell me her news. "You know that Motoki is Mina's soul mate right? Well Ami has Urawa, Makoto has Kenichi and you… well, and you've found Yuichiro. No don't shake your head, its true, but here is the twisted part of this tale. When you ladies became part of my Royal Guard and Senshi, you were all betrothed to Endymion's Guard's. It was a political move, and trust me I was furious! Those Knights from the Earth were Zoisite, Jadeite, Nephrite, and Kunzite. Ami was betrothed to Zoisite, Mina was betrothed to Nephrite, Makoto was with Kunzite and your hand was given to Jadeite. Although you had loves back on your planet, you were bound by the tradition of serving the moon. What guilt I felt when my betrothal to Endymion was announced; here was the beginning of all my dreams and the end of yours. True you became somewhat enamored, but your true loves were not them.

"But before you could all marry, they were captured by Queen Beryl and turned to evil. They attacked and killed you all. We had no choice the first time, nor did we have a chance the second time. The future of the planet and all who live here depended on us defeating them. I'm glad that I didn't know this when we fought; in my heart I know that I could not have killed them knowing that you Senshi came to love them in your own way. But a part of your hearts never forgot the loves that you left behind on your home planets."

"Again I say to you why here and now. Why not tomorrow, or next week? What is SO important that this needs to be done an hour before my date?" Oh yeah I was beyond niceties, right at this moment I could have cheerfully strangled the blond. I may have felt bad later, but at this time I wanted to hurt her. Tears borne of anger welled up, but I refused to let them fall.

"Rei, I couldn't leave this to chance. First, the time line is still shifting, haven't you felt it? Each day our future keeps evolving. And second, a part of you was thinking that until all this is settled, maybe you should cool things off with Yuichiro, weren't you? You're falling for him and grasping at straws for an excuse to run."

"Fuck off Usa, not everything has to be about everlasting love!" I practically screamed at her.

"You always do that Rei." She returned calmly, almost resigned.

"Do what?" I questioned, forcing the words past the tightness in my chest.

"Rail against it; fight it with all your might." She encouraged.

"Against what" I asked confused at what she was talking about. Had she changed the subject? Damn I hate it when I'm slow!

"Falling in love, you dated Mamoru-san so that you could be safe. You were both so alike neither of you would risk your heart. You've denied Yuichiro so long, because deep down inside where you won't even shine the light, you're afraid to fall in love. You're afraid to lose yourself to the wonders and the terrors of it all."

"You're wrong Usagi!" I furiously hissed. "Maybe Mamoru-san and I would have had a chance if fate had not dealt us such a blow! Do you seriously think that you are the only woman to love him? What right do you have to tell me what I felt? WHO do you think you are? The Kami of Love? Why do you go on so; about Yuichiro and how I feel?" I practically screamed at her.

"Stop it Rei. I am not here to fight with you. Rather I am here to clear the air, and to stop you from making the biggest mistake you will ever make in your life. You and Yuichiro are not your parents. Neither from Mars of the past or this time on Earth. I'm sorry that you got stuck with crappy parents both times. And although it is not a balm, I have to tell you that the reasons have to do with what you needed to develop into the fiery personality that you have. You who are so quick to anger, you are also fiercely loyal and intense.

"I know why you were so angry with me. I know that you viewed my childishness as foolish and dangerous to the group. You were also angry that Mamoru-san was destined to be mine. Deep down inside, the harebrained little girl was not your idea of a long forgotten princess or the leader of the Senshi. And so that resentment percolated and brewed, until one day it exploded. But what you couldn't foresee was the stress it would put on the timeline. Nor the fluctuations and possible futures it could create."

"I don't want to do this now Usagi, you drop this bomb on me about Yuichiro being my other half and then telling me I was also in love with Jadeite! What do you expect me to do now? Run into Yuichiro's arms and tell him my whole story? Why couldn't you let this develop naturally? Damn you Usagi!" I screamed in frustration before turning to punch a hole in the brick wall.

Strong but delicate arms came around me. I could feel her hugging me, trying to offer me comfort. The worst thing was, that all she stated rung with the truth. My parents were vile creatures who took fighting to a new level, and I had often been caught in the middle, until I came to live with Ji-chan. And I was afraid to fall deeply in love. Hadn't I seen first hand the devastation that Usagi went through when Mamoru-san left her? I believed in true love, but not for myself. After all we were the Senshi, who knew when a fight might be our last? Did we deserve to have someone waiting at home for that news? Great Kami this was such a cluster fuck.

My heart was already falling for Yuichiro, but love was like a double-edged katana. It could cut both ways. I didn't want to lose any more pieces of myself, and yet I knew that was unfair, my soul mate deserved more that just bits and pieces of my heart. What do you do when your world starts looking bleak? Could I be woman enough to face my fears, or would I let my past, all of my pasts dictate my future? "I don't know what to do Usagi. I don't know how to be a part of something. Until the Senshi, I never really had friends. Knowing everything that you know, and having survived what you went through, would you take Mamoru-san back? Do you really believe true love conquers all?"

I expected a lot of things from Usagi. A sob or two, maybe even a derisive choked laugh. I never thought she would throw her head back and chuckle. How could she find merriment in this? "Hai, I will take Mamoru-san back, after he begs for forgiveness and on my terms. I will fall in love again with him, it is fated. But I will not lose myself to that love. I will maintain a sense of self, something that you have never lost Rei-chan. You don't need to believe in love, and you don't need to believe in the future. You just need to believe in yourself, and the rest will come." She stated while looking me deep in the eyes. One hand came up to my face to hold a cheek.

It's funny how clear I saw her when the rest of the world looked so blurry through my tears. I didn't know if I completely believed in myself, but she did and that was good enough for me. I drew her into a hug and whispered, "Thank you" before whirling around to run up the stairs to get ready for my date and destiny.

**

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**

As I turned away from the shrine to head home I heard clapping. That in itself was out of the norm. Add that to the fact that the person generating the clapping was none other than Tuxedo Kamen, and well you get the picture.

With a studied air of nonchalance I asked, "Well what have we here, a stalker super hero?"

"Hardly Usako, we need to talk. How long are you going to keep avoiding me?" he drawled.

"One, you don't have the right to call me Usako anymore. Two, it's Usagi, or did you forget my name Mamoru-san?" Boy was my back up already!

"No Usako, I didn't forget your name, though it seems you forgot mine. Remember, no matter what, I have the right to call you by that. Or do you think that our relationship issues will be forever? You know we are destined to be! When did we get to the point of Mamoru-san?"

I SO did not hear that pompous ass say what he did! First of all, where does he get off, he's the one who started this whole thing, or did he forget that he broke up with me? Second, what exactly did Mamoru-san mean about avoiding him; I just went about my life! Third, I was so outta of here! I mean hello, we got to the san part when that kusotare broke up with me! I transported myself away from the spot and then I henshin into Sailor Moon. If we were going to talk, it would be on my terms, and in the spot that I chose.

I looked around at the city. Tokyo Towers always had the ability to soothe me. Maybe it was the view of the city, the grandeur of something bigger than me. Whatever it was, it gave me the peace of mind to do what I had to next. I closed my eyes and focused on opening the link so Tuxedo could find me.

When I knew he had a bead on my location I headed over to the park. Why the park? Maybe because it bore witness to a happier time with Mamoru, or maybe it was a good place to hide the body when he pissed me off…. just joking! …. I think! So there I was, on the bridge waiting for him to show up, wondering how we would find our way back to each other, and hoping that Mamoru would decide to respect me, the new me!

When he finally slinked out from the trees I was more than ready for him. I was Sailor Moon, the Champion of Love & Justice, Princess of the Moon, Future Queen of Crystal Tokyo and mother to his unborn children. I had found my center, my true self, and I would NEVER lose sight of it again!

"Usako how can you be so cruel?" Hands fell helplessly to the side when he realized that unlike the past, I was not simply going to race into his arms thinking that it would fix everything. Happiness as well as grief could be found in those arms, a lesson that I have learned all too well.

"Funny, I think that your definition of cruel and mine differ greatly. After all you made your choice did you not? I don't think you have any privileges here Mamoru-san. Nor should you have any expectations. What's done is done. The how and why of it, well let's just say that I was not privileged enough to know that. You killed something inside me that day Mamoru-san. If you want me back in your life, you are going to have to work on it. And never take me for granted, do you understand?"

"Do I have to beg? Is that what it will take Usako? I can't think throughout the day without you popping into my head. My heart is heavy with from the loss of you. I want you back so badly that my very soul aches with the want. Tell me what you want and I'll do it!" He said in an anguished filled voice.

"Begging is not done standing up." I swept my leg behind his knees so that he fell to the ground kneeling. Perfect. I had the man just where I wanted him! This small humiliation was nothing compared to all that I had endured!

A flash in the dark alerted me to the fact that our private conversation just got a whole lot more public. Time to wrap this up, before Kami knows what else will happen.

"You want me to forgive you? Well, start with the real reason that you left me, no more lies!"

And so, the whole sordid story came out. The dreams turned nightmare. Then there was a mysterious voice, and most of all his feelings of impending doom that grew exponentially each day. As I listened my fury grew. Of all the high handed fucking things to do! I mean it's one thing to think that the person you love the most treats you sort of like a child. It's quite entirely different when you're confronted with proof positive!

"So you decided our fate without even talking to me? Tell me baka; were you in a relationship by yourself? Who in the hell do you think you are to treat me like a child? You'd better go home and rethink everything, because if you even assume for one minute that you can dictate to me about our relationship, well you'd better ponder that some more. You will respect me, and my opinions, and you will, by all that is holy treat me as an adult. Or you will find yourself a NEW love interest. Geseru?"

At this point in my rant Tuxedo had stood up and was standing, towering over me and leaning in to what suspiciously looked like the beginning of a kiss. So you'll understand when I confess that I got angry and pushed him into the water, leaving without looking back. Trust me it was the least violent of all the options I weighed. Adult that I am, I didn't even look back and bust out laughing at the sight of a sodden Tuxedo Kamen …..

**

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**

I saw Rei running up the stairs as if she were running from Hell itself. I watched her greet her Grandfather and then run to her room. This was our first official date and I was nervous. From the moment I first laid my eyes on her, my heart knew that she would be special to me. The funny thing is if I ever told her, I figure she would either openly scoff at it or laugh in my face. Don't get me wrong, she is romantic, but that soft center was buried below titanium steel!

Knowing that I had time to kill I sat down and began to ponder what the etiquette for picking up your date when you both lived at the same location. Did one go to the front of the house and knock on the door anyway? Or did one just lounge around and wait for your date to find you?

I never got to finish contemplating that little conundrum; Rei's grandpa came up to me and wanted to talk. I had to hear the no sex before marriage speech, then the please don't keep her out too late speech, and finally with a surreptitious look he told me just because we were meant to be didn't mean the road to love would be smooth. As if I would ever think anything involving my Rei would be easy!

So lost was I in trying to decipher his cryptic advice, that I almost missed Rei coming out the front door. Kami she was bringing me to my knees without even trying, she had a red halter-top dress that seemed to move and caress her with every step she took. For once her hair was pulled back in the front leaving her face unadorned. Small ruby earrings graced her earlobes, and around her neck was the necklace I had given her last year. More of chocker, it was pewter with garnets. I was in a consignment shop when I spotted it and somehow I knew it was meant for her. Finishing off her outfit was some red peasant shoes that laced up her calf.

She walked with style and a firm sense of self, but I got the impression that something was wrong. I had all the time in the world to find out later. I crossed over to her and kissed her cheek in greeting, all the while letting her know that she looked absolutely ravishing. I loved the small telltale blush that graced her visage every time she received a compliment! I grabbed her hand and off we went. I had planned this date for months, hopeful that after all the, 'oh Yuichiro' that I got my love would finally say yes.

Dinner at the latest hot spot which was a new French restaurant La Joie de Vie, where we enjoyed a wonderful lobster bisque, which gave way to a lovely rack of lamb. Dessert ended up as beignets and café-au-lait. After our dining experience we followed it up by a stroll in the park. Walking and holding hands, I got the impression that only part of my darling was on the date with me. The other part, who knew? I ended our date with us listening to this new band, Mute Beat. I could tell she enjoyed herself, yet she was still undeniably preoccupied by something.

I intend on finding out what held her attention. So, I waited patiently for my moment to strike. Years of friendship with her have taught me that in order to get information out of her, you had to attack from the least expected angle. Anything less would be met with failure!

It was as we were strolling home hand in hand that I began to broach the subject.

"What's wrong Rei?" I asked her in an almost whisper

"Nothing" was the more forceful reply. But I could hear the lie in her voice, and see it in her eyes.

"Don't lie to me! Your one of the strongest persons I know, and yet you stand here looking so fragile. You're like a piece of blown glass, beautiful and wondrous, but also so fragile….more so because of your strength" I pleaded with her softly "you don't realize how much you mean to me. You're my everything Rei, my end and my beginning. And I know deep in my heart even though you are just finishing high school, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, living the adventure that is you Rei."

Tears shimmered in her eyes before falling quietly down her face. She lifted a shaky hand to my face and traced my lips. "I could fall in love with you so easily. I could lose myself in you and then what? I don't want to fall in love. I really can't say that I know how to be a part of something. You'd promise me forever, but would you really stay? Could you be happy and content to live on a shrine for the rest of your life? How will you react when you know all my secrets? Will you continue to want me or will you run for the hills?" she spoke in a whisper.

I crushed her to me and spoke softly into her ears. "I'm already in love with you. If this is lost in love and you, I pray that I may never be found! Together we will learn to be larger than our parts as a whole. I promise you forever because I mean it; nothing will drive me from your side, not even death. I love this shrine and want to help you run it, its home because you're there. And apart from being Sailor Mars, are there any other secrets?"

"Nani, what the hell is that supposed to mean? How in the hell did you know, no scratch that how long have you known?" she screeched in my ear as she ripped herself out of my arms. Note to self; never piss the woman off when she is so close to your eardrums! I sighed, this conversation was not going the way I thought it would. What was meant to be reassurance had frightened her! "Listen up sweetheart; do you remember when Grandpa got that crazy idea to have those aerobic classes for women at the shrine? Then there was this crazy, out of control lady and we both got hurt. Well its confession time, we both were injured but we weren't completely unconscious. We saw you henshin and save the day, afterwards we played it off like nothing happened."

Gimlet eyes caught mine. "If you both KNEW, then why didn't you ever confront me?"

"Kami, Rei he's your family and I'm the man who loves you. Why would we go all Prison Warden on you and get confrontational about this? We both thought you would tell us when the time was right. I only told you now because I didn't want you to use it as an excuse to run away! Plus that's only the tip of the iceberg..."

Impossibly wide eyes locked with mine, as her hands went out in front of her as if to ward off the truth. It broke my heart, but she had to learn that she wasn't alone, and that she could entrust her heart to me. I had a moment to wonder if other guys had to go through this kind of shit with their girls. I shook myself off, whatever hurdles I had to conquer my koishii was worth it!

I went up to her and cupped her face, using my thumbs to wipe her tears. "Did I tell you that I let your grandfather do a soul regression using the Shinto Flame? Interesting stuff that soul regression is, I mean you never know what secrets your own soul is harboring from you. For instance this is not the first time I've fallen in love with you. I don't dream of distant lands or different times, yet I feel as if I know everything about you. When I left my band and I was wandering around Japan, I had this feeling that I was searching for someone.

"The day I arrived at the shrine and I saw you for the first time, I felt like this is it, that's the girl I have been searching for, I'm finally home. So many times I tried to ask you out and you just kept shutting me down, but I persisted. Something inside me wouldn't let me quit. And when you were dating Mamoru, Kami I wanted to punch his lights out and tell him that you belonged to me. That's saying something since I am not a normally violent guy.

"I think you know the reasons behind all this, I think you know that you are my soul-mate and why. But I also know that you won't tell me until you decide the time is right. All I ask is for you to give us a chance, take a gamble and choose love, choose me Rei."

I could see the internal struggle being played out. Never before in my life have I prayed so hard to Kami that everything would work out. My entire life was in her gentle but capable hands. Would I be able to survive if she told me to wait? Could my heart bear the burden of giving her space?

**

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**

I looked at Yuichiro, I mean really looked at him. Gone was the playful doofus who never took life seriously, in his place was a man who had just laid his entire life on the line to the woman he loved. He wore the look of a man who would shortly learn if he had been condemned to prison or set free.

I could draw this out forever, or I could just walk away now. But if I did either of those I would lose him. I flashed back to my conversation with Usagi, taking strength from her belief in me. I was a superhero for fucks sake! If I wasn't afraid to battle evil, well a relationship should be cakewalk, no? I smiled at him tentatively, and then before he knew what happened, I flung myself into his arms. Love is a leap that cannot be denied.

For once I didn't want to deny it. Life was not perfect and neither were we, all you could do was take a chance and try your best to make it work. Yes, we had issues to discuss, and yes, we had obstacles to overcome. But I was confident that together we could do it. Soul-mates, destiny, and all the other stuff would be worked out when the time was right. For this moment, well if falling in love was like falling off a cliff, let's just say for the first time in my life I closed my eyes, took a step back and free fell.

As he held me against his body, I whispered into his ear, "I choose you, I choose love, I choose us. I'm difficult to deal with, hard to get along with, and I have an abrasive personality. And even though we are meant to be, destined by the red string of fate, there will be times when our lives have difficulties; times when we will want to walk away. But I promise here and now that I will always fight to stay by your side, wherever life takes us." And then I couldn't breathe due to a certain someone squishing me in his embrace, but I wasn't complaining!

**

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**

I still felt a little bad by the time I woke up the next morning; notice I said a little bad. The majority of my feelings were still extremely pissed! A lot of the anger was self-directed. Something in me at the time must have cultivated the helpless little girl façade. Yet to be completely honest, I couldn't have been anything else at the time. There are times when I wanted to scream at the unfairness of it all.

Each night I was plagued by dreams of the ever-changing future. Would Rini ever be born? Could Crystal Tokyo become a reality? So many questions, and no definitive answers for what the new future held. I was showered and ready within 20 minutes. Shorter hair was just plain easier to take care of! I didn't feel like cooking breakfast and figured I deserved a treat. So off I went to my local teahouse for some breakfast. As I passed a newsstand I came to a very abrupt stop.

Holy shit! There on the front page for all of Japan to see was Tuxedo Kamen on the ground, kneeling with me looming over him! And if the picture was bad, the headline was worse!!! It read, "Repentant Superhero begs for forgiveness!" with a see page 3 for details. Not good at all! Thank Kami for the glamour that changes our features! I brought the paper and sat down on a bench, my hunger temporarily forgotten about.

The inside article had me biting the inside of my cheek to prevent laughter. After all howling with laughter, no matter how warranted makes you look crazy. Details of my estrangement from the Sailor Senshi and Tuxedo Kamen were related. A mention and some excerpts from the magazine article made their appearance. Last, the speculation of when or if I would ever forgive them, along with a nice (if I do say so myself) picture of Tuxedo standing on the shore of the pond, wet and bedraggled looking.

Well important things first, feed my hunger, and then find Mamoru-san to see if his dignity was bruised. Who was I kidding? I knew for a fact that tall, dark and handsome would most likely be furious! However one of my new mottos was to not sweat the small things in life. So well fed, and armed with a cup of coffee, I went to his apartment. I figured if there was screaming, and I'm sure there would be, we were less likely to have anyone overhear us there, actually I meant him. I knew I had no reason to scream.

I arrived at his building and waited for the doorman to announce me. When he waved me through, I went to the elevator banks. Ticking the floors as I went passed, I felt calm. When I walked out of the elevator, he was waiting for me, leaning against the frame of his door. Did I mention he was scowling? Oh my! Did I also mention that I was as cool as a cucumber? I walked up to him waiting for him to speak first. A thick silence filled the hallway as he surveyed me with narrowed eyes. "Welcome Usako, please come in and get comfortable."

Score one for the blond, he spoke first. I tamped down a grin, and went out to the balcony. I've always loved the view from up here. "So what's the special occasion? Not that I'm ungrateful for the pleasure of your company, but your showing up here is quite a surprise." I mentally rolled my eyes. Word games, semantics that was what he was playing. Why not just come out and ask me why I'm here?

"Well I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop off a coffee and paper. You know start the ball rolling on this whole friendship thing!" I watched gleefully as Mamoru-san struggled to reign in his impulse to scold me. And yeah, maybe you shouldn't poke a wounded bear, but I've earned the right don't you think? Now for the final stroke, I opened the paper and handed it to him, mustering up an innocent expression. First his eyes opened wide, then his mouth opened and closed, and while all that was taking place a flush of red crept into his face. Quite fascinating actually, watching his response to the picture on the front cover. I knew when he began reading the article, because his poor jaw clenched so hard I felt bad for his teeth!

"Do you have anything to say, or are you going to keep on observing me?" he snappishly stated. "Are you even sorry?" came the calm question. Right the calm before the storm!

"Oh yes" I replied sweetly, "I am sorry that your picture ended up on the front page."

"But not sorry that you pushed me into the water?" he bellowed.

"Nope, you deserved that." I giggled as I began stepping back. "Admit it, you've been a real baka."

"Usako, this is not the way to go about making up! What does a guy have to do, crawl? You listen to me, it is time you stop with the silliness and get down to business. You and I are destined to be together, and the sooner you stop fighting fate the easier life will be!" He practically growled those words at me!

"I guess yesterday's dunk in the water didn't teach you anything. I will be your partner; your equal or I will be NOTHING to you! The future is changing Mamoru-san. Choose wisely before all is lost!" With that I flipped off the edge of the balcony. An anguished "Usako" was the last thing I heard …………………

Before I transported myself!!! As if I would kill myself! I've already lived through one of the worst things a girl can, to kill myself over a verbal spar…so not worth it!

Now, on to contemplating the future and my next move with the Sailor Senshi……


	9. Chapter 9

**Come a little bit closer…..**

**She said:**

Looking back at the last couple of days…well they've been busy. Making up with the Senshi, telling Rei the truth about the sordid past, and freaking out Mamoru-san. Yep, busy as can be. Lucky for me though in a couple of days we would have a break at school for the spring festival. I had already planned my trip to a nature retreat where one of the martial artists recommended. The Higurashi Shrine sat at the base of Mt. Fuji and was well revered for its grand vistas and soothing atmosphere.

Before I left for the shrine though I decided to do the rounds; first checking in with Ami-chan and Urawa, who we now called Ryo. I called Ami at home, knowing that after the last few days that she would want to stay at home, find her balance and study. That was her way of making the world right again. So I was pleasantly surprised to find that she wasn't home. When I called her cell phone I could tell by the background sound that she was outside. Good for her!

We quickly made plans to meet at the arcade. Seems Motoki heals exceptionally fast and was already back to work! I called Makoto and told her to call Rei so that we all could meet, and yes they could bring their guys. Now call me a little vindictive but I did not call Mamoru-san and invite him. Dare I say it just slipped my mind? Okay so it didn't slip my mind, but I wasn't sure I wanted to deal with the _ijizuku baka. _ I mean it's been three days since the balcony incident and has he called written, text message, smoke signaled or anything? Nope! Yeah I was miffed. You would be too if it happened to you!

Turns out Mr. Wonderful must have sixth sense or something because as soon I entered the arcade there he was seated with the rest of the Senshi and their boyfriends. Even Motoki was sitting there, guess he was on break. Plastering a smile across my face I strode over the booth. Poor booth, never before had it been so full! I looked at everyone, I still had to make up with Makoto and talk to her about Kenichi. But in a place so deep in my heart I mourned the loss of innocence, they say that ignorance is bliss and they are right.

While a part of me could appreciate the pure joy of hanging out with everyone, another would always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. After all the saying was once bitten twice shy, ne? I must have blanked out again because when I blinked everyone was looking at me expectantly. "Did I miss something again?" I expected Rei to roll her eyes, for Makoto and Mina to giggle and for Ami to shake her head. Instead I got a gentle nudge from Rei and she repeated the question "We asked what you are doing for spring festival this year."

"Gomen nasai, I was just thinking about things. I have made arrangements to go away for some martial arts training. The Shrine also provides meditation and purification classes. Since we are off for eight days I have elected to stay there five days and then return in time to study for the college entry exams. What are you guys doing? I think I missed that part of the conversation."

"Mamoru-san is going on a nature retreat and hike by the outskirts of Kyoto. Motoki is going to take Mina to the Higan festival. Ami and Ryo will be going to Ôhara Museum of Art in Kurashiki, Okayama Prefecture to view some of the newest exhibits. Yūichirō and I will be taking a trip to _Tsubaki Ōkami Yashiro_ in Suzuka, Mie Prefecture to get some ideas in running the Shrine and bringing in more income. Makoto and Kenichi are going away to the Higurashi Shrine also known as the Goushou Bansou. So I guess we can all meet here next Saturday when we return ne?" Rei asked slyly.

You might ask why on earth I wouldn't tell my "friends" that I was going to Higurashi Shrine also. One word, privacy!!! These last few months have taught me to be self resiliant and I was not giving that up for anyone! "Rei Saturday sounds good, why don't we make plans for a picnic? Each one of us will bring a dish of somekind. We can all decide what each one will bring and then meet at the park on Sunday at around noon." I knew even before Makoto opened her mouth that the next thing to fly out would be mischievious. "So Usagi-chan what were you planning on making for the picnic?" Oh that Makoto, did she honestly think I would revert to the old me and claim a dessert dish that I brought?

"Makoto-chan you will be happy to know that I plan to bring some assorted Maki, Sushi and Sasshimi to the picnic. I have a food storage chest that will keep the fish extremely fresh, or if you prefer I can bring steam shumai or lightly fried Gyoza. What do you guys prefer?" Kami did they all have to sit there with their mouths on the table. Hello!! I am not wasting away which means I eat, ergo I cook! As if I could afford to eat out daily. Living on your own forces you to get survival skills or look like a walking corpse. The fact that I have a stomach on iron helps too….oh and that my boss took pity on me and taught me how to cook some basic yet traditional dishes.

"So have you guys decided what you want me to bring?" While waiting for them to snap out of it I mentally started reviewing the list of things I had to pack for my trip. Then I started thinking of the window display I had to update before I left, and some chores that Setsuna-san needed done by tomorrow. So you can understand my surprise when I looked up and saw my mother there with Shingo in tow. I jumped up and ran to hug her. "Oka-san, what are you doing here?"

"I was passing by and saw you and your friends. I just wanted to see how my little girl is doing. Good luck on your _Monbu-kagakushō _exams for the University placement. I also heard that you were trying out for the _Monbu-kagakushō _scholarship. I can't tell you how proud I am Usagi that you've improved so much in school and haven't let yourself be mired in sadness. We have to go; your father is waiting for us to get back from the market before we leave for Okinawa Island to visit your aunt Yuka."

I watched as she grabbed Shingo and ran, saddened that our mother-daughter moments had been reduced to chance meetings and secret phone calls. For the upteemth time I raged at my otousan for his stubborness.

"Usako, are you alright? You seem so sad."

"Are we together Mamoru-san? Are we currently dating? Hell have we even been civil to each other recently?" I asked him wryly. "I'm assuming that you know the answer to those three questions are no. So why do you insist on calling me Usako?" I held a hand up before he could begin to answer me back. "If you really want to get back together with me, you are going to have to work on it. First you have to get to know me all over again, then you have to earn my trust and finally you have to win my love. My name is Usagi, and until we are back together please use that name."

I could tell his heart was hurt, but I had to stay very firm in this. My future depended on this. Why in Kami did I have to use that expression? Because no sooner than I finished that thought than a portal appeared and sucked all of the Senshi and companions inside. Fuck….this was not my day.

I waited for the familiar sense of vertigo to disappear before looking about to see if everyone else was alright. Finally I looked up to our "hostess" non other than Sailor Pluto, the Senshi of Time and Guardian for the Hallway of Immortality. Please note that being in the hallway doesn't make one immortal. It's just that while in there you really don't age so if you never left you'd never die; convoluted I know. "So Pluto what in universe made you disrupt time and pull us all into oblivion?" One ebony eyebrow winged up. Glad to see she caught the sarcasm and anger. I hate having to be obvious.

"Gomen nasai Princess but I had to tell you the very fabric of the future is changing. At this rate I cannot guarantee the future that the Senshi and Tuxedo Kamen saw will occur. Crystal Tokyo, the Silver Millennium and Small Lady are all at risk. Whatever you are going to do you must do it quickly or all will be lost. Even I the Senshi of Time cannot predict what the outcome will be if you gamble with all our lives…"

At that moment, yes at the very moment I wanted to curse fate. I wanted to scream out to the heavens my anger. Come to me because time and our futures are shifting…what in Kami did she think I could do? Better yet what did she think I should do? It was not me who broke the heart of the one I love. It really wasn't me who fucking decided that I was no longer leader material. And it wasn't I who threw me out the damn house and ripped the last piece of normalcy I had left. Who the fuck did Sailor Pluto and the rest of these guys think they were?

Even now I could see them looking at me, faces so expectant. Usagi will fix it, Sailor Moon will right the wrong, and our Princess will save us all. How in the seven levels of hell could I fix this? I was just me, former scaredy-cat and crybaby. It took me months to rebuild myself. Like a phoenix raising from its own ashes my rebirth had been no less dramatic or hurtful. Did I mention it sucks to be me right now? Major note to self, in the future delegate!!! Maybe then somebody else will be stuck with the whole time to save the universe thing.

I swallowed hard and took a final glance around the group. As hard as this was for me to say, well it had to be said. I braced myself for their anger and disapproval, but hey nothing new with that right? "Pluto, I….I don't know what you want me say…should I just for the sake of a future that is no longer certain change the path that I am on? I truly believe that if we all are meant to save the world, start a new future and have children then those things will come in time. I will not simply bow to fate and do what it wants. Even if I wanted to, I can't. I'm no longer that girl.

My heart had been shattered into so many fragments that I thought I would die from the betrayal of my love. No, honestly I wanted to die at least then the pain would ease. Then my best friends in the world turned on me. I never thought the Senshi would pull a cou-de-gra on me, and yet they did. And in a million years I never thought my own father would toss me from my house, but here I am currently living on my own. I can't be clumsy happy go lucky Usagi anymore. The box has been opened and can never be shut. Whatever happens from here on in, my relationship in love, my renewed friendships all of those will progress with the new Usagi!

And if that means the future is no longer certain, well for that I apologize. I love Chibi-Usa, but even I can recognize that if I take the path which was originally laid out for me, then I will grow to resent her for all my sacrifices. I can only pray at this time that all that I have been through will make me a better leader, a more equal partner in my marriage and a better Senshi. May the Kami's be with us all!"

I closed my eyes and waited for the screaming to start, and waited, and waited. Finally I opened my eyes to see them all staring at me with hurt expressions on their faces. "Guys this is not about blame, it really isn't! I just wanted to explain why the future may not be the way we remembered it.. , it may be different but maybe better."

"Usagi, I understand that you don't want to go back, no that you can't go back. We all took part in killing the happy-go-lucky Usako. I can't say that I am happy about the changes to our future, but it would be hypocritical of me to just ask you to drop everything and change again" Mamoru-san said. "But at the same time part of me mourns the idea of never seeing Chibi-Usa or Crystal Tokyo."

I looked at them. I could tell that while they sympathized and understood they were afraid. They were afraid of the future that we had wrought by the decisions in the part. Each girl dropped her eyes as if they could not bear to have me see the truth hidden within. The guys had no real stake in this; after all they had never seen the future. Mamoru-san looked me in the eye. His eyes showed love, understanding, pain and loss.

Ami went to open her mouth, but I beat her to the punch. "If you make me do this, it will kill the last thing inside me that kept me alive. If you make me do this I will hate all of you as much as I have loved you. Do you understand, do you know, can you feel it?" All the while I was physically moving away, unconsciously mimicking my mental state of mind. The once pristine hallway that guarded the Gate of Time began to rumble and unweave itself. Was time or fate unraveling? Did the choices I make today really impact the future? Well proof was in the pudding and the disintegration of the hallway reflected it. I closed my eyes and waited for my heart to shatter.

One….two…three…slowly the seconds seem to drag when suddenly a hand I knew as well as my own touched my face. Unbidden they opened to see Mamoru looking down at me with such tenderness that my heart ached.

"Usagi" he said while taking my hand and holding it to chest so I could feel the very beat of his heart. "Do you feel that? My beating heart, that loves you so. I promise you on this very heart that while we are all scared of what changes we have wrought in the future we will stand by you. We will go forward with the confidence that change happens for a reason, and that our future will be better for it. Once I stood at a crossroad and made a decision that I've regretted. On that day I vowed that never again would I let a choice of mine push you away. You are my life, my love and my eternal strength. Where you go I will proudly walk by your side. This is my oath to you, kimi wa tottemo taisetsu na hito nan da"

I have loved Mamoru with the adoration of a teenager with her first love. I have loved him with the sorrow of a young adult in pain. But at this moment, at this very moment when I needed him the most and he was there for me, well this is the moment that I knew I would love him as a woman loves a man. Deeply, eternally and spiritually were only some of the words to describe this fledgling feeling that fluttered in my heart. I threw my arms around him and sobbed in relief.

Finally acceptance for who and what I am. So into the feeling of being held I failed to notice the hallway changing. It went from a devastated and ruined heap to a shining bright airy hallway full with sparkle and glitter. I failed to hear the gasp of the Senshi or their beloved. For the first time in a long time I felt safe. Here in Mamo-chan's arms I felt the sentiment of coming home.

"So it has begun" stated a voice. We all turned to look as one towards the open door that Sailor Pluto now stood in front of. So you can imagine the surprise of all to see Queen Serenity standing there. Tall and elegant with a touch of ethereal thrown in were the first things you thought. My second thought of course was to wonder why she was here and why now. I spoke from the comfort of Mamo-chan's arms. "Greetings Queen Serenity, Ruler of the Moon, mother of Princess Serena, we welcome you in our presence."

"So would you care to tell us what has begun, or should we just guess?" Surprise flitted quickly over her face before it was calmly schooled to show indifference.

"I would like to tell you the whole story of the past and all that has been lost. I wish I could tell you about your future but my time here is short. So you will have to settle for the abbreviated version. Usagi as you are well aware is the princess and Mamoru the prince. Together they along with their Senshi & Generals will bring about world peace. But this peace will come with a cost. A battle so dark and deadly that it is unlike any you have ever faced. In order to ensure that you all would be ready for this a challenge was given. Was Mamoru and Usagi's love enough to overcome all obstacles? Were the Senshi a cohesive enough team that they could fight to the death if needed for each other? Sadly the answer for both questions was no. Then the burning question was: could the tear wrought in the very fabric of time be mended and at what cost?

I watched you daughter as you struggled to find yourself. My heart despaired right along side you as you strived to change everything that was you. The hate and the hurt that you endured those first few months would have crippled anybody, but you persevered. You have gone through hell and come out the other side. In return your love will be stronger for the adversity that it has suffered. Your friendship with the Senshi will be that much more resilient for surviving the bonds being torn asunder.

However this has not been without its casualties. The future that you all knew is no longer. Right now as we speak a new future is being woven. The very fabric of time and space has been rearranged. This is not to say that the future is any better or worse than Crystal Tokyo. It simply is different. Nothing you knew from before will serve you. Therefore I give you both a warning and a piece of wisdom.

For your warning, darkness takes many forms children of my heart. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist. Evil is seductive and beautiful, remember nothing is as it seems. Look for the underneath the underneath.

Now for your wisdom, be hidden from your enemy as a steel fist in a silk glove. Work together as a cohesive team and the ten of you will be invincible. Fight with love in your heart and you will never fail…..

Usagi there is so much that I want to say to you my daughter, but my time draws near. Take this moon pendant as protection, may it guard you in your times of need, guide you when you are lost and comfort you when you are sad. I love you daughter" and she held her arms open to me. Without a thought I threw myself into them and held on tight. Why was it that there is nothing better than being in your mother's arms?

She slipped the moon pendant around my throat. It hung suspended from a chain so fine that it was reminiscent of a spider's webbing. The actual pendant was a white metal encrusted with pearls the like I had never seen before. Tiny, perfect and luminescent as the moon they covered the front of the pendant, the only color in the sea of white was the stones that represented Mars, Venus, Mercury and Jupiter. Red, orange, blue and green respectively surrounded what appeared to be a gold pearl.

All too soon we were back in the Crown Arcade and time resumed as if we had never left. I looked around at everyone, and disappeared. I ended up on top of Tokyo Towers. I just needed time to be alone. So much grief wallowed up to choke me. The fight with Mamo-chan and the Senshi, the estrangement from my father and the sense of drifting away from both my mothers weighed down on my soul. Immediately to be followed by anger. Fuck was I the universe's poster girl for being picked on?

I kind of had to take that back though. I was as complicit about the situation as everyone else. Did I not decide to give up on Mamoru before I died of a broken heart? And had I not made a decision to leave the Senshi and then my house? As angry as I was I had to be truthful. I changed. I was different. And it was up to me to let them get to know the new me. I had already made a conscious resolution to not change back and turn my back on the blood sweat and tears that went into making a brand new me. I would not prevaricate about this, not to myself. It is what it is, wasn't that the saying?

I looked forward to this retreat; maybe just maybe it would help me find my balance…………

* * *

_**Glossary: **_

_Ijizuku baka – stubborn idiot _

_Tsubaki Ōkami Yashiro__ - Tsubaki Grand Shrine_

_**Higan**__ - is traditional festival time during Spring in Japanese culture, to commemorate the family ancestors_

"Kimi wa tottemo taisetsu na hito nan da." You're so very precious to me.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note:**

Rumors of my demise were greatly exaggerated. Just Kidding!

Anyway some of you may have noticed that poor Sailor Jupiter's boyfriend keeps changing names!! So sorry…my muses fault (He thinks it's funny, I think its sloppy editing). Also my poor beta is really bogged down with her school work. Only 1/3 of the chapter has been beta'd. So any grammatical errors or pronoun uses, I'll take the time to deeply and humbly apologize now!

So a few rules: Read. Enjoy. REVIEW!! :P

And as always many thanks and blessings to those who do review! Your passion and praise keep me fueled as well as inspired!

**Getting to know you**

**His side:**

I knew the moment Usako walked into the arcade; she wasn't exactly pleased to see me. Rightfully, she was pissed. I haven't attempted to contact her at all this week, and I figure she believes that I was sulking again. But I'm not. I know, deep in my heart, that I deserve some of the stuff that she has put me through. And no, I'm still not happy about the damn window displays. What man would be?

Before we could even get into the details of our get together, Usako's mom dropped in. Then the time-slip happened. Poor Moon Princess, up until then I don't think any of us realized what a burden it was to have the future on your shoulders. Nor could we predict the long term affects that all of our decisions would have on the future. Like a stone thrown in pond, the ripples continued to be felt on the shore.

When Sailor Pluto, the Guardian of Time told us to choose, I was so damn mad. Everything was going so well, and now this? How could any of us tell Usagi to make the choice and return to being the immature naive child she used to be? Kami, even committing that thought to pen and paper makes it sound horrid. Anyway, I was thinking, pondering if you will, what went wrong in our relationship  surely a love that was destined to last through time should have went smoother, ne?

While I will concede that Usagi was somewhat childlike in her jubilance for life, I also have to admit that none of us seriously discouraged her actions. I can only say in my defense, that having been alone for most of my life, it has left me with intimacy issues. Nani, not those types of issues! It's just hard for me to talk to Usako about myself and really let her in. Also, a part of me could not believe that this gorgeous, fey-like creature, this exuberant tenshi loved me ... me the stoic Chiba Mamoru. Maybe some part of me always wondered how much of our past lives were affecting and influencing this one. After all, the real question was did I believe in a love so true and deep, that no matter what, it would survive?

I turned to see her face, the despair and loss she had suffered was shining in her eyes. The desperation for acceptance, and her bracing herself, as if just waiting for that next shot she believed was coming. It was then - in that moment - that I knew ... whatever future we witnessed, it was no longer ours to claim. We had surely given up the right when we deviated from our path. Sure, we still loved each other, but could we say that we were the same people?

I won't dare say that I suffered as much as Usako, after all I did not lose my best friends and fellow teammates, my loving home, and my sense of self worth within such a short time span. No, rather I was the instrument of Usako and my own destruction. I broke up with her, telling myself that it was for her own good. But was it really? Had I just latched onto the first convenient excuse to jump ship and protect my heart? Which came first the lie or the truth?

That was my conundrum, my one dirty little secret. Who was I really trying to save? Myself or Usako? Whatever the answer to that question was, I knew that it did not, could not, outweigh my need and love for Usako. The time spent apart showed me that it's not just about the now; it was about the long haul. It was not the initial cut of losing Usako that hurt the most; it was the seconds, the minutes, the hours that turned to days then weeks and eventually months. It was an agonizing emotional death over a long period, which made the madness of living unbearable.

But did I relent? No. Instead I girded my loins, and stood firm but for what? Pride, or for the right to say I gave up everything just for her? It was later, during one of my deepest moments of despair, that I had an epiphany. Being in love with her had made me a better man; it had opened up parts of my heart that previously remained close. Fear however, was a powerful motivator. Thanks to this past year, a new fear dominated. What would my life be, if she wasn't in it?

Inexplicable wasn't it, how a person could go from pushing someone away to the polar opposite, wanting to hold them tight. I don't pretend that my stepping up to the plate, so to speak, could in any way shape or form change what I did in the past. I can only hope that it has made my love see me in a new light. Maybe the red string of fate had been cut? Maybe it was even knotted beyond my wildest imagination? I chose to focus on the fact that it was there. By Kami, it was there and I would do my best to ensure it stayed that way. When she threw herself into my arms, it was like coming home, the feel of a warm blanket on a chilly day.

But, such things are not always meant to last. No sooner had we made a choice, then the fabric of time re-wove itself, and we were back at the Arcade. All of us were shaken, and doing our best to act normal. Normalcy may be an illusion, or maybe perception is reality, nevertheless we could not show that our world has been torn asunder then put back together. For the first time, I wondered how the men were dealing with this. To suddenly remember a past life, be thrown into a cacophony of life- well, that had to be disconcerting. Maybe it was time for the men to regroup, and discuss where these new turns of events have led. Time to pool our resources and see what is what, or should I say who is who?

I quickly went to the men's room and wrote the same message on five napkins. My address and phone number with a request for us to meet later tonight. I had to know how much of our past was going to come up and bite us in the ass. Hadn't mine already made a brief appearance? More importantly did these guys possess any powers? If so would we need to train? After all the Sailor Senshi did not become the well oil machine that is was overnight. Practice, diligence and sometimes perseverance made them into the success that they were today.

Turns out I didn't have to bother with the subterfuge, after Usako disappearance the ladies decided that they needed an emergency meeting to discuss today's events. They filed out of the Arcade one by one, kissing their respective boyfriends. I asked Motoki, Ryo, Yūichirō, Kentaro to stay behind so that we could discuss not only today's events but our places by the women in our lives. We warily looked around at each other. Last year beside my and Motoki we could have passed each other in the street and not batted an eye.

Now Fate, Kami or Luck had bound us together. It was like the double ouroboros, one fate intimately entwined within the other. What to say? How in the hell do you start a conversation about past lives, future evils and destined love? Whatever I had to say, well it better be one hell of an icebreaker! Just as I opened my mouth to speak, Ryo-san opened his mouth first.

"So as Ami-chan explained this, we are all from Moon Millennium born on our respective planets. We lost our girls to political machination and then were killed by Queen Beryl and the Four Generals when we came to the aid of the moon and our lovers. When Wise Queen Serenity sacrificed herself to ensure all the Lunarians and the Prince of Earth was reincarnated, well it had another unforeseen consequence. The Generals and Queen Beryl were also brought to this time.

Somehow the Generals had no prior memories of being betrothed to the Princess' handmaidens and royal bodyguards. Not that I'm going to complain, the idea of that 'thing' getting his hands on my Ami-chan moves me to violence. Now we have to make a choice, nee? We have to decide if we are merely going to act like back-up for the Sailor Senshi or do we fight along side by side with our itoshii's? Personally I vote for making our own group and fighting with the Senshi's."

Well this was an unexpected bombshell. I thought I would have to explain to the others the whole Moon Kingdom, Queen Beryl, the Silver Crystal and the being born again ordeal. Seems like the men hadn't told the ladies in their lives everything, no way would the girls have been as calm.

"So you guys remember everything? Or do you have any questions?" I asked and then waited while they seemed to ponder their responses.

Yūichirō said it best "Dude, the past is the past. The future hasn't been lived yet. All we have is the here and now."

"Besides, we the Jiyuu- Senshi have to decide when we will practice. We need to practice just with the guys and then to train with the girls to combine our attacks. In battle preparation is everything" were the sage words from Kentaro. Jiyuu-Senshi, huh? It certainly was a fitting name, considering the future we were fighting for.

Chuckling Motoki began to tell the story of how he found out Mina-chan was a Sailor Senshi. We all shared a good laugh at the soul tugging act and then the incredulous look on her face when he caught up to her running. But it was nothing compared to the roaring laughter at the thought of him spanking her! Kami the look on her face must have been priceless! Then he quickly recapped the fight and his recovery at her house. Swore he'd never get sick again, the okayu almost did him in!

Next Ryo-san told of how he and Ami-chan were swimming in the local pool when he told her of his memories. So flustered was Ami that she literally froze the pool. Good thing Ryo also has an affinity to water! So there he was with literally one leg stuck in the pool trying to climb out after her and trying to reason with her at the same time. Now while Ami didn't get spanked she did learn a lesson about trying to freeze people. Seems Ryo-san unfroze the pool enough to break up the large chunks of ice, but not enough to return it to normal temperature. Ami learned how exactly the Polar Bear Club feels swimming in icy cold water!

Yūichirō ruefully admitted that he could have used cold water when trying to talk to his fiery Rei-chan. I began to laugh hysterically. Of all the men besides Yūichirō I knew her temperament the most. To say that Rei matches her temperament is an understatement. Unfortunately for him Shrine clothing has a lot of cloth to be used as fuel. It must have looked like target practice with him trying to dodge her fire. It only got more intense as he started fighting back. Seems once his hair got a little singed he got downright serious. And no the little lady did not care for him burning off her clothes or singing her own locks of hair. And though they called a truce, Yūichirō says he'll still watch his back. After all everyone knows paybacks a bitch!

We all turned to look expectantly at Kentaro. It must have been a good one as he blushed and then haltingly began his story. One of the things they love to do is cook together. So he figures since she nice and relaxed after making a soufflé that now's the time to tell her about his memories of their past. Right? Wrong! No sooner than he lays all of this on her, then she grabs him and shocks him. Not a little gentle static electricity kind of shock. Nope this was the kind of juice they use in the hospital to jump start your ticker.

Down he goes, taking her with him. They both hit the floor hard and pass out. Though Makoto case she blacked out from hitting her head on the counter. So imagine her surprise when she wakes up lying on top of him cuddling into him like he was her pillow. Add to that the stress of the oven timer going off…..and one horrifically flat soufflé. Poor Makoto didn't know whether to blush at the somewhat intimate position she was in or wail over the ruined dinner.

We laughed at all the stories. Finally we settled down to business. We would train daily and alternate between just the men and combining our practice with the ladies.

Now all we had to do was brace ourselves and inform the ladies.

I won't say that we left the arcade the best of friends, but the beginning the foundation was in place.

Before leaving though, we all agreed that we couldn't wait till the picnic! Lots of food, good friends, and hopefully beautiful weather!

**Glossary:**

Jiyuusenshi – Freedom Fighters

Okayu – rice gruel


End file.
